Christine St. George: Now, before we go, I'd like to introduce the newest family member of What's Up Wisconsin. She's my assistant. She's Jackie Burkhart. Come on, honey. Come on in here.
Jackie: Oh, my God, I'm on TV. Well, for all of you watching in black and white, I am wearing a navy twin set, and my eye shadow is periwinkle blue.

Kitty: Holy macaroni! It's Jackie! I know someone who's on TV!
Red: What do you know! It really is an idiot box.
Christine St. George: [on TV] Jackie brings me the most delicious brownies.
Kitty: Brownies. Red, those are my brownies. Oh, they look so much bigger on TV.
Christine St. George: So moist, you don't even have to drink milk with them.
Kitty: No milk! That is the highest compliment a brownie can have.
Christine St. George: Now, Jackie darling, I must know where you got them.
Kitty: From me! She got them from me!
Jackie: [on TV] Got them? I made them. Myself.
Kitty: What?
Jackie: It's an old Burkhart family recipe.
Kitty: You lying little midget!
Red: This might be a bad time to ask, but are you gonna start getting lunch together?

Jackie: Whoa! Mrs. Forman, you gotta help me. I need another batch of brownies and I need them bad.
Kitty: Okay. First, preheat the oven to 350, then stick your head inside and bake the lies out of your lying mouth, you little liar!
Jackie: Please, it's the only thing that keeps Christine off my back. I'm gonna lose my job. Please, you've gotta help me. [whines] Please.
Kitty: Oh, that is so fake.
Jackie: [normal voice] Oh, damn. Fine. I'm sorry. Look, Christine caught me off guard. I was on TV. I didn't know what to say.
Kitty: How about Kitty Forman baked the brownies? See how easy that was? I can even say it backwards. Brownies the baked Forman Kitty.
Jackie: Okay, okay, you're right. But now I'm in too deep, so I am begging you. Please, could you just make some more brownies?
Kitty: Drop it, Jackie. I am not gonna let you continue to take credit for all of my hard work.
Jackie: What if I take you to the studio and introduce you to Christine St. George?
Kitty: I'll get the eggs. You grease the pan.

Donna: Hyde, I thought you said Leo was supposed to be here today.
Hyde: Yeah. I put him on the schedule, which means he is either on his way in, or on his way to San Francisco to see the Dead show.

Christine St. George: Join us tomorrow as we examine the pain suffered by a local family from religious prejudice. And Sparky, the water-skiing squirrel, will be here too. Until then, What's Up Wisconsin?
Jackie: Oh, Miss St. George, that was a great show.
Christine St. George: Oh, thank you.
Jackie: Um, you know what? I would love for you to meet one of your biggest fans. Uh, this is Kitty Forman.
Christine St. George: Hello.
Jackie: Christine.
Kitty: Oh, it is such an honor to meet you. [laughs] You look so much taller in person. Of course, we only have a 19-inch TV set. [laughs]
Jackie: Okay. I also brought you some brownies.
Christine St. George: Oh, isn't that wonderful of her? You know, Jackie, I was thinking that on tomorrow's show you and I might make these brownies. You know, you'd stir the eggs and I'd come up with some funny yolks.
Kitty: A cooking segment? Oh, that is just... That is just my dream come true. For you.

Jackie: Oh, Miss St. George, I have to tell you something. I didn't bake the brownies. Kitty did.
Christine St. George: Who's Kitty, dear?
Kitty: Um, that's me.
Christine St. George: Oh. Well, good for you. [Kitty giggles] Would you, uh, give me just a moment with my assistant?
Kitty: Oh, of course.
Christine St. George: Thank you.
Kitty: Okay, would it be okay if I just sat in your chair for a minute?
Christine St. George: Oh sure. My fake casa is your fake casa.

Jackie: Okay, Miss St. George, I'm really sorry.
Christine St. George: No. What you showed me just now proves that you are a sweet, honest, young woman. And that crap will get you nowhere in show business.
Jackie: So what? I'm supposed to lie and cheat and take credit for other people's work?
Christine St. George: That's how I paid for my Mercedes. You can't be afraid to be tough.
Jackie: Oh, I'm tough. I'm very, very tough. People always say what a bitch I am.
Christine St. George: Well, for your sake, I hope they're right. Now, please. Get this crazy lady off my set.
Kitty: Coming up next, a potato chip that looks like Henry Kissinger. [hums]
Christine St. George: See if you can find that potato chip. It sounds fascinating.

Christine St. George: [on TV] Before we bring on the tap-dancing parrot, I have a correction to make from yesterday's show.
Kitty: Red. She's gonna say my name. Are you taping it? Do you know how to use the machine?
Red: Yes, I know how to use the machine.
Christine St. George: Those brownies I so enjoyed were made by the talented and lovely Kitty Forshack.
Kitty: Forshack?
Christine St. George: No, no, that doesn't sound right. Ah! Forman. Kathy Forman.

Jackie: Uh, Mrs. Forman, can I borrow your curling iron? I was gonna borrow Donna's, but hers smells like potatoes.
Donna: It wasn't my fault. My dad used it to make curly fries.

Jackie: Well, I wanna look good for my first full day of work at the TV station. I wanna look super pretty, so that co-workers won't mind when I stab them in the back.
Hyde: You could try my hair-styling technique. Wake up, remove pillow.