Donna: I'm going home for dinner. Oh, by the way, Mom and Dad are going to the Playboy Club at Lake Geneva this weekend. Do you guys want souvenirs?
Hyde: Ooh, ash trays.
Fez: A woman.

Jackie: Your parents are going to be out of town? Really?
Donna: Yeah. I mean, I'll be babysitting my sister Tina all weekend. Just me. Alone. [Eric doesn't react] Watching TV. I might order a pizza.
Kelso: I got an idea! We'll have a party at Donna's. A toga party!
Jackie: Michael! Michael! Maybe Donna doesn't want to throw a party. Maybe she wants to be alone.
Donna: Yeah, just me, alone. If someone happens to stop by, that'd be pretty cool. [Eric is still not paying attention]
Kelso: So we're on. I'll bring the beer!
Fez: Donna, I have never been to an American party. May I come?
Donna: Yeah, I don't care. So, Eric, are you gonna be there?
Eric: What? Yeah. Sounds fun.
Donna: Cool. Catch you guys later.

Kelso: Whoo-hoo-hoo. Party at Donna's.
Jackie: [slaps Kelso and Eric] You are both so stupid.
Eric: Why? [Jackie storms out]
Hyde: Well, this is a first. I actually agree with Jackie. [shudders]
Eric: What? You're saying that I'm stupid?
Hyde: Donna just put on the full court press, man, and you dropped the ball.
Eric: What are you talking about? All she said was that she'd be alone Saturday night with a pizza... Oh, God, I'm so stupid.

Jackie: Oh, Daddy. I'm so sad.
Mr. Burkhart: Why, kitten?
Jackie: Because Fatso Burger hired Eric instead of Michael.
Mr. Burkhart: I know, kitten.
Jackie: Why would they do that, Daddy?
Mr. Burkhart: Let me tell you a little story about Doofus and Diligent.
[fantasy: a black-and-white employee training video shows Eric cleaning a counter and Kelso's buttcrack showing as he sits on the counter:]
Mr. Burkhart: [v.o.] Doofus is friendly but he doesn't follow directions well. Now, Diligent always does his job by the book. This is how the book says to do it. "Wipe left to right." Looks like a big order just came in. "Let me help, guys," says Diligent. "But wait a second. Where's Doofus?" What do you know about that? Let's see what happens here. "I was in such a hurry to get back to work, I almost forgot!" Thatta boy, Diligent! "Hey, there, Doofus. You're supposed to wash your hands after using the facility." "Ha! No way, Diligent. That's for squares."
[present:]
Jackie: So Michael's a Doofus?
Mr. Burkhart: And how.

Eric: So, I got a job.
Donna: Yeah?
Eric: Yeah, it seems I'm really Fatso Burger material. And I really wish I hadn't just said that.
Donna: No, it sounded cool.

Donna: Um... So, are you still coming to the party on Saturday?
Eric: Uh, well, I work late on Saturday night, but I mean, if I get off early I could, like, swing by.
Donna: Sounds good.
Eric: Yeah, but I mean, it might be really late so, like, everyone else might be gone.
Donna: Well, um, you know, if I'm still up, I could leave the light on if you want me to.
Eric: Yeah. Oh. No, I mean, yeah, that would be great. 'Cause that way, with the light on, I couldn't... fall.
Donna: Yeah.
Eric: Okay.
Donna: Yeah.
Eric: Okay.
Donna: Sounds good.
Eric: Okay.
Donna: Yeah.
Eric: Hey, Donna. Um, that light?
Donna: Yeah.
Eric: Cool.
Donna: Okay.

[montage:]
Donna: Hey, Eric, I'm going to the reservoir. You wanna go?
Eric: Nope. I gotta work.
Donna: Eric, I'm meeting everyone at the hub. You wanna go?
Eric: Nope. I gotta work.
Donna: Hey, Eric, I'm going to see a movie. You wanna go?
Eric: Nope. I gotta work.
Donna: Eric, I just got this new bikini, but I think it's too small. Could I model it for you?
Eric: Nope. I gotta work.

Kelso: You know, Jackie, I've been wracking my brain trying to figure out why this guy didn't hire me.
Jackie: Michael, I am so tired of hearing that. You still have me.
Kelso: You know what I think it is?
Jackie: What?
Kelso: I'm great looking and he's jealous. I'm telling you, Jackie, this body is a curse.
Jackie: Besides, if you worked here you couldn't see me whenever I wanted you to. Lover.
Kelso: Yeah. [they kiss]
Fez: Please stop touching each other. It gives me needs.

Donna: I'm miserable. This party sucks.
Hyde: You know what'll make you feel better? A scrawny little neighbor boy. Why don't you take off, go see him, I'll watch the kids, huh?
Donna: Yeah. Thanks, Hyde.
Hyde: [belches] You're welcome.

Eric: Welcome to Fatso Burger. How may I serve you?
Kitty: Honey, it's me.
Eric: I know. I have to say that.
Kitty: Oh. Oh. Okay. Well, I was on a break from the hospital so I thought I'd bring you some nice, hot soup. Oh, Oyster crackers.
Eric: Oh, thank God. Something to eat.