Donna: Okay. I've been thinking about what to do with Jackie. I think we're overlooking the mobile home option. Okay? You could park her right in the driveway and we'll all know she's safe in her own little, steel box.
Eric: Donna, you have to let her stay with you. Come on. She's your best friend.
Donna: She's not my best friend.
Eric: Well, then, who's your best friend?
Donna: Oh, crap! How the hell did that happen?

Red: Who the hell do you think you are bringing a girl into my house in the middle of the night?
Kitty: And right in our basement. We keep our Christmas decorations down there. Baby Jesus was watching.
Hyde: I told you to look where you were going.
Jackie: What idiot leaves a LEGO set right in front of the door?
Eric: You knocked over my space command center? I spent three hours building that.

Red: All right. Now what is going on in my basement?
Hyde: Jackie's been sleeping here the last couple of weeks.
Kitty: Couple of weeks? This is not the Playboy Mansion, you know.
Hyde: Look, nothing was going on.
Eric: Nothing was going on? Um, space command centers were ruined!
Red: Would you please go put some pants on? This is where I eat.

Eric: Oh, hey, while you're visiting, here's my LEGO set and a picture of the space command center. Okay? Get building. I swear to God, if my three-man escape pod doesn't fit the star bay, heads are gonna roll.

Kelso: I have a question. If Hyde was in Hyde's bed and Jackie was in Hyde's bed, what exactly was going on in said bed?
Hyde: Nothing. She needed a place to sleep.
Kelso: "Needed a place to sleep." Well, a bed is an interesting choice, now, wouldn't you say?
Jackie: Oh, shut up, Michael. It's not like we were doing it.
Kelso: Oh, come on, Jackie. You can't sleep in the same bed with someone and not be doing it. I've fallen asleep not doing it and woken up doing it.
Eric: And that's why they won't put him to sleep at the dentist.

Kelso: Yeah, I mean, we're used to you, but, dude, you're weird. I mean, for Nina to let you meet her parents-
Eric: I think what Kelso's trying to say is that maybe you don't make the best first impression. Like, remember the first time you met my parents?
[flashback:]
Eric: Mom, Dad, this is Fez.
Kitty: Well, hello there.
[As Kitty offers her hand, Fez moves in and kisses her on the mouth]
[present:]
Kelso: He did what?
Eric: Yeah, and then it actually got even more disturbing.
[flashback to Fez trying to kiss Red:]
Red: Get this creepy bastard off me!
[present:]
Kelso: Man, I never heard that story. So how was Forman's mom?
Fez: Well, at first she was giving me nothing, but by the end she was giving me something.
Kelso: Yeah, she's spunky! Man, I'd kiss your mom.

Kitty: How could Jackie's mother abandon her only child? I have half a mind to take this public. [gasps] We could go on Donahue.
Bob: No. Go on Carson. He's funnier. One time, the animal guy was on his parrot dooked right on Johnny's head. [chuckles]

Donna: What is wrong with you people? There is nothing funny about a teenaged girl whose mother abandoned her. You know, we're all Jackie's got. We can't just turn our backs on her.
Bob: Donna, you're right. You tell Jackie she can stay with us.
Donna: What? No. No, she can't stay with us.
Bob: Sure. She can stay in your room with you.
Donna: But- [Kitty and Red smile] Oh, you're all gonna pay for this!

[circle:]
Donna: I can't believe my dad's making me ask Jackie to move in with us. This is gonna be a nightmare. "Donna, where's your spirit?" "Donna, you're still hungry?" "Donna, your lumberjack head is blocking out the sun." [exclaims] You know, I'm not too big. She is too small.
Eric: Okay, just for the record, I don't sleep nude for any disgusting reason. I'm just a hot sleeper. Okay, I'm not a hot sleeper. I'm 17 years old, okay? I sleep right next door to the girl I love. Things occur to me. Okay? If I'm already nude, you know... It just saves time.
Fez: Guys, Nina agreed to let me meet her parents. And to seem completely normal, I've come up with the perfect opening line for Nina's mother. [clears throat] "Hello, Mrs. Bartel. I can see where Nina gets her lovely ass."
Kelso: You're so weird, man. You know what? There's a way around that. I'm gonna make you so beautiful that Nina's parents don't notice how freaking weird you are. Being beautiful, that's how I get away with stuff. Except my problem is I gotta tone it down 'cause otherwise the chick's mom gets interested. Then we got a big problem. Let's make you man-pretty.

Kitty: Jackie. Jackie, Donna has something she wants to ask you. Donna.
Donna: [clears throat] So, Jackie, we were all thinking that you might come stay with me for awhile since you're having such a hard time right now.
Jackie: God, I am so sick of this! I don't have hard times! I'm Jackie Burkhart. I got voted head cheerleader by the largest margin in cheerleader history. I have a wonderful life.
Donna: Yeah, but, Jackie, your dad's in prison, and your mom-
Jackie: You know, I'm sorry, Donna but you're just not popular enough for me to live with.
Donna: [scoffs] I'm not popular enough? I was doing you a favor, 'cause I felt bad for you.
Jackie: Well, don't, okay? I don't need to be your good deed for the day.
Donna: Fine. There's the door. Don't let it hit your popular, little butt on the way out.
Jackie: Fine. [exits]
Kelso: Well, that was pretty hot.