‘Babe I'm Gonna Leave You’
Season 5, Episode 14 - Aired February 5, 2003
Hyde is ready to break up with Jackie because he thinks she still has feelings for Kelso. Meanwhile, Kitty is driven to bed by the callous remarks of her mother, Bea (Betty White).
Quote from Eric
Eric: Hey, Grandma, Donna brought you some salsa. Yep, Donna makes the best darn salsa outside of your beloved Arizona. It's a reflection of her long-time love affair with the Southwest.
Donna: Much like your own. Go, Grand Canyon! [offers bowl]
Bea: So, Eric, who are you seeing these days?
Eric: Okay. Okay, Grandma, you have got to give Donna a chance. And I know you two will get along famously. You have so much in common.
Donna: Right. Like I love eating dinner at 4:30 too. Look, Miss Sigurdson, I love Eric with all my heart. And I know that when you give me a chance, you'll see that we're great together.
Bea: Well, that's very sweet. And you're right. I'm sure you're the nicest girl Eric's met so far. [walks off]
Eric: She is just so good at that.
Quote from Donna
Donna: Your mother is a nutbag!
Kitty: What did she do? That thing where she pretends to be nice, but she's really insulting you.
Donna: Yes!
Kitty: Frigid witch!
Red: I'll get the bed ready.
Donna: How could she not like me?
Kitty: How can she not like me?
Donna: You know what? Maybe she just can't handle strong, healthy women.
Kitty: And I am strong and healthy. I bring home the bacon. I fry it up in a pan. And I never, ever let Red forget he's a man.
Donna: Yeah. Well, I am not giving up on her.
Kitty: Oh, why are you worried? I'm the one who has to live the rest of my life in the same family with this woman.
Donna: Yeah, but so do I. In the sense that, um... we're all part of the human family.
Quote from Jackie
Jackie: Steven, I have to tell you something.
Hyde: Well, if it's "get off my boyfriend," don't worry 'cause I already heard it.
Jackie: No. I have to tell you, you were right. When I said that, it did mean something. And I thought it didn't, because sometimes I just want things because other people have them. Like once, I made my dad buy me a pet rat because my cousin had one. But then the rat got so disgusting, I made my kitty cat hunt it.
Hyde: I don't know what the hell you're talking about. Who's the rat? Am I the rat?
Jackie: No. No. Steven, look. Okay, I spoke to Annette. And she made me realize that, okay, maybe I do have some leftover feelings for Michael. And then she said that if I wanted him, I'd have to fight for him. But, Steven, I know in my heart the only person I wanna fight for is you.
Hyde: Really? Oh, boy! You like Kelso, but you like me a little bit more? What a bunch of crap! You know what I think, Jackie? I think the only reason you're with me in the first place was to get back at Kelso.
Jackie: Steven, how can you say that? Okay, fine. Maybe I do have feelings for Michael. But what am I supposed to do? He was my first boyfriend. And you know what? You're gonna have to learn to deal with it. And if you can't and you're gonna have to break up with me because of that, then I can't stop you, but I think it's a real waste, because I love you.
Hyde: ... I'm not saying it back!
Jackie: I don't care.
Hyde: [grunts] Damn it! [sighs] ... So, are we gonna go to the dance or what?
Jackie: Oh, Steven.
Quote from Kelso
Annette: Well, be sensitive to me because I'm upset too. If you expect me to go to the Valentine's dance tonight, you're gonna have to do a few things for me.
Kelso: For you or to you?
Annette: Shut up. One: You will not speak to Jackie. Two: You will not speak to girls who have brown hair like Jackie. Three: You will not speak to Jackie. Wait. I got messed up.
Kelso: Yeah, baby, whatever you want. Just- [shuffles Annette outside and closes door] Man, it's great being under someone's thumb again!
Fez: What did your mother do to you?
Kelso: Man, I just feel bad for Hyde. I mean, Annette wants me. Jackie wants me. My good looks are ruining people's lives.
Fez: Well, Hyde seems pretty mad.
Kelso: Whatever, man. I'm not afraid of him.
Eric: [o.s.] He got away.
Kelso: Help me! [runs out]
Quote from Jackie
Donna: So have you talked to Hyde about the whole "get off my boyfriend" disaster?
Jackie: No. And why is everyone making such a big deal about it? Every time I walk into a room, people look at me funny. Donna, how do you deal with it?
Donna: Jackie, the reason people are making a big deal about it is because it sounds like you still have feelings for Kelso.
Jackie: Well, I don't. I think the only reason I said it was because I was having an allergic reaction to the Forman's cheap generic soda.
Quote from Fez
Fez: [high-pitched] Oh, no! A giant redhead! Please don't crush me! Ple-e-ease!
Jackie: Fez, would you stop screwing around. Now, did you finish the balloon walkway of love yet?
Fez: [normal voice] You bet I did. When Nina sees it, she's gonna be so impressed her balloons will become my walkway of love, if you know what I mean.
Donna: Fez, that's disgusting.
Fez: [high-pitched] Oh, no, the giant's angry! Run for your life! Run! Run!
Quote from Kelso
Annette: My favorite song?
Kelso: Uh, "The Most Beautiful Girl in the World."
Annette: The light I look best in?
Kelso: Uh, it's a tie between and mid-summer sunset.
Annette: Very good, Michael.
Kelso: God, I missed this.
Quote from Kelso
Jackie: Oh, hey. Have you guys seen Steven?
Annette: I hear a weird, piercing noise, but I don't know where it's coming from. Do you hear anything, Michael?
Kelso: Yeah, it's just Jackie. Uh,Jackie, I'm sorry you have to see me in this T-shirt. I know how it emphasizes my hunkalicious bod.
Jackie: Shut up, Michael. Okay, I made a stupid slip. It meant nothing.
Annette: Right, because Michael is my boyfriend.
Jackie: I know he is, skank wad.
Annette: Oh, I'm a skank wad?
Kelso: Girl fight! Let's get it on!
Jackie: We are not gonna fight.
Kelso: Well, maybe you should kiss and make up. Let's get it on! [Annette and Jackie walk away in opposite directions] What? What? Wait. Ah, I'll go with the blonde.
Quote from Fez
Fez: Well, you and Jackie are certainly a mess. I remember before Nina when my love life was a mess. It's perfect now though. Not like yours, which is a mess.
Quote from Hyde
Jackie: Steven, I've called three times in the last half hour.
Hyde: Yeah, I figured it was you 'cause all the calls came during commercials in The Newlywed Game.
Jackie: So, what? Now you're not taking my calls? Why are you making such a big deal about this?
Hyde: Because it is a big deal when you yell, "Get off my boyfriend" to a girl who's on someone who's not me.
Jackie: Steven, I cannot be held responsible for the things that come out of my mouth. It didn't mean anything.
Hyde: So that's your story? "It didn't mean anything"?
Jackie: Right. Right. So, you just need to get over it.
Hyde: Oh, yeah. Don't worry. I'm over it. In fact, I'm over you.
Jackie: Steven, what are you saying?
Fez: He's saying he's breaking up with you. Are you not paying attention? Because I'm on the edge of my freaking seat here.
Jackie: Steven. [Hyde shrugs] [Jackie exits]
Fez: So, I have a girlfriend and you don't.