‘Tornado’
Season 2, Episode 22 - Aired May 4, 2017
As Glenn struggles to choose the six employees he has to fire, a tornado heads for the store.
Quote from Glenn
Garrett: Sup, Glenn.
Glenn: Oh, hey, guys. I was just heading out to the... [murmurs unintelligibly]
Garrett: Gorflorkinson?
Glenn: No.
Quote from Dina
Dina: Everyone should find a place to take shelter until the tornado either passes, dissipates, or hits us head on.
Amy: Which is not going to happen! This is just a warning. We're gonna be fine.
Dina: Oh, sorry, I didn't realize you were a magical gypsy who could tell the future. She isn't.
Quote from Dina
Man: What do we do if the tornado hits us?
Dina: Uh, what do we do if the tornado hit us? I'm not sure, maybe get blown away by it?
Glenn: No, no, you hide under a doorway.
Garrett: No, no, no. That's an earthquake.
Jonah: Actually, they say you're not supposed to do that anymore.
Mateo: Who cares what they say not to do for something that's not happening.
Amy: They say that you should go towards the eye of the storm.
Dina: Where's the eye of the storm, Amy?
Amy: I don't know.
Dina: That's what I thought.
Cheyenne: Tell someone you trust.
Amy: Oh, Cheyenne, that's only if the tornado's molesting you.
Dina: Okay, this is exactly why I said we needed to do tornado drills, Glenn.
Quote from Marcus
Glenn: Oh, hey. This kinda puts things in perspective, huh? Makes getting fired seem not so bad.
Marcus: I had just saved up enough money to put doors back on my car.
Glenn: Well, if you got the money, you can still do it.
Marcus: No. 'Cause all that money's gonna have to go towards food. And movies.
Quote from Mateo
Cody: What happened to our Catholic alliance? You lied to me.
Mateo: Don't take it personally. I'm not here to make friends, Cody. Hate the game, not the player. You get it.
Cody: Nobody loves you. You're gonna die alone.
Mateo: Shut up.
Quote from Jonah
Amy: I don't wanna die in a Cloud 9 surrounded by diarrhea medicine.
Jonah: Well, you know, We're in a safe place. You know, you're supposed to stay away from south and west walls, and you're never supposed to hide under an overpass. That's... that's just a myth.
Amy: What are you talking about?
Jonah: I'm just talking to comfort you. Is it working?
Amy: No, not really.
Jonah: Okay, I'll keep talking.
Amy: Okay.
Jonah: I mean, the thing about this structure is... It's really solid, you know? It's very strong, it's very sturdy. It's...
Amy: It's very sexy.
Jonah: I... think I might be the only one who could pull that word off. Oh, that's... that's just, um... that's just the grid. Uh, recalibrating.
Amy: We're gonna die in a Cloud 9 surrounded by diarrhea medicine.
Jonah: Well... we should keep talking so those aren't your last words.
Quote from Glenn
Glenn: Dear Lord Jesus, in your infinite power and compassion, please save us from destruction. Thank you, Jesus, thank you.
[Cheyenne is laughing hysterically]
Glenn: Dear... Jewish God, in your infinite power...
Quote from Glenn
Glenn: Buddha, if you speak English, in you infinite power and compassion, please...
Cheyenne: [laughs uncontrollably] We're all gonna die!
Quote from Mateo
Mateo: [on the phone] I love you, Jeff! I love you. But I didn't want to die without letting you know how I feel! And you use the word "ostensibly" too much. But I didn't want to die without telling you that.