Garrett: Glenn, why don't you just tell everybody who's getting laid off.
Glenn: I don't know. But... but I have until the end of the day to decide. So in the meantime, a few words about firework safety.
Mateo: No one cares about firework safety!
Glenn: Exactly!
Amy: Glenn, it's not fair to make everyone wait until the end of the day.
Glenn: Okay, I'll... I'll tell you as soon as I decide, but... in the meantime, let's just try and forget it, and have a nice, normal day. No, in fact, let's have the best day ever! Okay? 'Cause for six of you, it's gonna be your last.

Glenn: Do either of you want some of Jerusha's banana bread? 'Cause I can't finish my morning loaf.
Amy: No, thank you.
Dina: I would love some. [eats] Oh, oh!
Glenn: Yeah.
Dina: Mm-hmm.
Amy: Look, Glenn, if you really care about these people, then don't make them wait all day without knowing. Just rip off the Band-Aid.
Dina: Is that cinnamon I'm tasting?
Glenn: Taco mix.
Dina: Huh. Mmm. [eats more]
Glenn: Amy, it's so hard. I mean, how do I fire six associates?
Dina: Wait! Six associates? This doesn't affect management?
Glenn: Oh, no, no. You guys are fine.
[Dina spits out the bread and walks away]

Jonah: Last night, I accidentally told Amy she was sexy, and was up half the night kicking myself for it.
Garrett: [chuckles] But why? Why would you do that?
Jonah: I don't know, why... I had a few drinks. You're not making me feel better about this.
Garrett: Oh, I'm not trying to make you feel better about this. What you did was crazy. That's something a crazy person would do.
Jonah: What do I... Should I tell her I didn't mean it?
Garrett: Definitely. Please. Just make sure I'm there... when you walk up to Amy and say, "Hey, you're not sexy." Why would you use that word?
Jonah: I don't know! Lots of people use the word sexy.
Garrett: Oh, yeah, sure. Tons of people like hilarious, gay teenagers, Gloria Estefan, cartoon skunks... that's about it.
Jonah: I don't know, I feel like I hear sexy all the time.

Mateo: All of us... are vulnerable. Okay? That's why we, as Asians, need to form an alliance. If one of us gets fired, we all walk.
Cheyenne: Walk where?
Mateo: No, if we stick together, then they can't fire all of us. Right? Are we all in? Asian Alliance?
Sandra: Technically, I'm Native Hawaiian, so can we say Asian/Polynesian?
Mateo: Ugh! Just...
Sandra: Sorry.

Mateo: All of us are vulnerable. Okay, that's why we as gay people... we need to form an alliance.
Peter: I'm in.
Mary: Uh, actually, I'm not a lesbian.
Mateo: Girl...

Garrett: Well, it's... good to know you'll be sticking around.
Dina: Why?
Garrett: Just something people say.
Dina: Hm.
Garrett: I mean... wouldn't you be glad to hear I wasn't losing my job?
Dina: No more than anyone else. Wait, is this because we've been having sex?
Garrett: Well, no, I just thought...
Dina: All animals have sex! I know what you're gonna say. Not certain kinds of worms. Whatever, Poindexter.
Garrett: No worms have sex. They all have sex with themselves.
Dina: Here we go.

Amy: Look, how about we... How about we rank people? Like, on a scale from one to ten. If you had to give Elias a number... based on job performance alone. What would it be?
Glenn: Elias? That's easy. Ten.
Amy: Okay. Okay, so we know we're not considering Elias. Um... what about Sarah?
Glenn: Oh! She's even better than Elias.
Amy: Right!
Glenn: Yeah.
Amy: So if Sarah is better than Elias, then maybe we give a Elias a nine?
Glenn: No, make Sarah an 11.
Amy: Okay. Yeah.

Glenn: Everyone write down the names of the six people you think should be laid off.
Mateo: And you're gonna fire whoever we say?
Glenn: No, we're all gonna fire whoever we all say. Together. As a family.
Garrett: So like a family, we'll decide which siblings to get rid of through simple majority.

Marcus: That doesn't make any sense. We're just gonna wind up splitting the vote, and then we're all in danger. Someone just say someone's name, and we'll all vote on that person.
Garrett: Marcus.
Marcus: [chuckles] No, for real, though.
Cheyenne: I'll do Marcus. [overlapping chatter]
Marcus: No, no, no, bad.

Jonah: Glenn, I think asking for everybody's input is... is an interesting, and noble, and sexy idea, but it's a mistake.
Glenn: It can't be a mistake if it's what everyone votes for.
Garrett: Oh, yeah, that's always true.