Mateo: It's not like I don't love America. I do. But it's not perfect. You guys are way too into brunch. I wish Asians were allowed to vote. And I... I don't really get the whole basement thing...
Jonah: Hold on. Hold on a second. What are you... What are you talking about?
Mateo: Yeah, I know... it's a democracy. One person, one vote... oh, unless you're Asian-American. Tell me why that is.
Jonah: I don't know that I can. Are you... Mateo, you're an American citizen, right?
Mateo: Oh, just 'cause I'm Asian, I can't be a citizen?
Jonah: No, no, I'm... I'm sorry. It's just that I've read about so many situations where parents bring their kids into the country illegally, and then, you know, they don't even tell them that they're undocumented.
Mateo: Believe me, I have plenty of documents. I went to the green card store personally with my grandmother.
Jonah: The... green card store?
Mateo: Yeah, they sell green cards and knockoff handbags and bootleg Spider-Man DVDs.

Dina: What about you? I assume you have no special skills.
Sandra: Um, I have highly superior autobiographical memory. It means I remember everything that happened every day of my life.
Dina: Wow. That must be excruciating. Your life is pathetic.
Sandra: That's exactly what you said the last time I told you. April 8, 2012. Sorry.

Marcus: I wrote "go to Mars."
Amy: That's a great example. Um, I think Missy would say... if you want to go somewhere interesting, then maybe write something like, um...
Jonah: "Go to Disneyland."
Amy: Exactly.
Marcus: Are you insane? It's super expensive. [overlapping agreement]
Amy: Okay, but you think that... never mind.

Glenn: I just thought that, during the Olympics, it'd be fun to pretend that we're all American. Even you, Sandra.
Sandra: I'm from Hawaii.
Glenn: Not today, you're not!

Mateo: I do love America, but the Philippines is also great.
Glenn: Yeah, of course, absolutely. Just that, technically, America's number one.
Amy: Well, Glenn, what do you mean, "technically"?
Glenn: Just as a fact. That's the saying... "America's number one."
Jonah: Well, but other countries believe that they're number one.
Glenn: But America is number one. 'Cause it's first in the world.
Garrett: That's an airtight argument, though.
Mateo: Well, uh, first in the world in what?
Glenn: Being the best.
Mateo: At?
Glenn: Being number one. Of... countries... And planets.

Glenn: Mateo, what's that on your vest?
Mateo: Oh. Uh, it's the Filipino flag. I just thought I'd support my home country for the Olympics. Pinoy Pride!

Dina: Dina Fawkes, assistant manager.
Amy: Hi, I'm Amy. I am a big fan.
Dina: I'm not. No offense, I'm just not impressed by celebrities, but I do have an Olympics related question.
Missy Jones: Great. Maybe I can answer.
Dina: Is it true that the Olympic Village is basically just a three-week-long Slammerama?
Missy Jones: Uh, I don't think I know how to answer that.
Dina: All the best bodies in the world. All those synthetic fabrics. Nobody speaks the same language, so everything means yes. I'm gonna name some Olympians, and you tell me if you've... Mm-mm.
Missy Jones: [clears throat] Honestly, I think we were all just there to compete.
Dina: I get it. I got to buy the book. Okay.

Dina: I can't compete with this. It's like Chinese people's only purpose in life is to humiliate me.
Garrett: So you're trying to make your closing ceremonies compete with the actual ceremony from the actual Olympics?
Dina: I need a helper. How about this? We start with a fleet of helicopters descending on the store.
Garrett: Okay, we? I'm... me? I'm the helper?
Dina: Yeah.
Garrett: Okay. Well, how about, instead of helicopters, we go for something a tad less ambitious and use, like, streamers?
Dina: Interesting. We could shoot them out of a cannon. Or we could put a cannon on a helicopter.
Garrett: Ooh, okay, well, and then, building on that, how about none of that stuff, and everybody carries a tiny little flag?
Dina: What?
Garrett: Look. Maybe we should focus on stuff we can actually pull off.
Dina: Okay. I hear you. Right? I'm being unreasonable. Do you have access to a team of white stallions?
Garrett: A team? No.
Dina: Then I'm back to helicopters.

Glenn: The Philippines has over 19 different regional languages. Hello? Indecisive much? Where is Mateo?
Jonah: Oh, uh, you know what? Maybe... maybe take it easy on Mateo today.
Glenn: Why?
Jonah: Uh, well... not just Mateo, you know? There's a lot of employees here from different countries and, you know, making them say America is the best... that's just... not cool.
Glenn: It's the Olympics! It's all about rooting for your country and saying all the other countries eat beans.
Jonah: Well, but it's, it's also about the countries coming together, you know? That's why the rings are interlocked.
Glenn: Oh, I thought it was just a symbol. I didn't know it symbolized something.

Glenn: Bonjour and sayonara, everyone. I just picked up a multicultural buffet. I got some, uh, egg rolls from the Orient and pizza - that's from Italy. Anyway, there's, uh, no reason for anyone to feel excluded. Now, I think all countries are equal. You know, whether you're of Mexican descent like Amy.
Amy: Honduran.
Glenn: I don't speak Spanish, sorry.