Cheyenne: My friends and I would say that you guys are just chilling.
Jonah: Wait, full-on sex is now considered just chilling?
Cheyenne: Uh-huh, and mouth stuff is hanging out, and hand stuff is pretty much, "I like you but just as a friend".
Jonah: Hm.
Garrett: Wow, times have changed.
Dina: Yeah.

Mateo: [on video] What am I gonna miss the most? Uh, the people? They're salt of the Earth. Simple, basic. Just sort of harmless. Am I scared? Of course I'm scared.
Amy: Wait, so, um, who's asking you these questions?
Mateo: Uh...
Glenn: Whoa.
Garrett: That is not your chest.
Mateo: Yes it is.
Garrett: Then take off your shirt.
Mateo: I had a big breakfast.
Mateo: [on video] My advice? I guess it would be leaving every place you work at a little bit better than when you found it. Did I do that here? Who can say? Yes. I think I did.
Dina: Well, that was a massive waste of time.
Glenn: Okay, moving on. We have not had a tornado drill in eight years, so we really should...
Mateo: [on video] I started this journey as a small child in the Philippines... [all groan]

Cheyenne: This is where you'll be working? It looks so different.
Mateo: It's a Cloud 9 Signature. They have a beauty concierge, their produce is all organic, and their cafe has never given anyone diarrhea.
Amy: That is impressive.

Glenn: Oh, my God! Look at that! We're famous! 168 reviews.
Jonah: "Store's okay. I usually stop there because it's on my way home."
Glenn: We're on his way home.
Jonah: Uh...
Glenn: Wait, stop! "Cloud 9, more like Cloud 1, as in the one star I'm giving because I can't give zero."
Mateo: Ha! He's a good writer.
Amy: Glenn, just ignore this. That guy's a troll. [off Glenn's look] No, uh, no. Uh, he's a full-sized human being, non-mythical who writes mean things on the Internet.

Cheyenne: Do undocumented people have documents?
Mateo: No. No, we don't.
Cheyenne: Oh. So, like, won't that be an issue?
Mateo: Yes!

Glenn: Sometimes people ask me, "Hey, how'd you get those light bulbs way up there?" And the answer is: I don't know.

Glenn: Oh, sorry, I'm just responding to all these old reviews.
Amy: Oh...
Glenn: Like, in 2006, this lady found a pool of vomit in Electronics. "Dear Verna301, we have cleaned up the vomit." We have cleaned up the vomit, right?
Amy: Yeah. I believe so.
Glenn: Wha... Frenchfryguy81 updated his review! "So the manager invited me back to the store and tried to brainwash me with an hour-long propaganda tour." "Pathetic man." "Muppet voice." Why would anyone write this?
Amy: Because he likes complaining. Don't engage. You won't win.
Glenn: Well, you can die trying.

Mateo: Come on, just hit me.
Cheyenne: I'm trying, okay? Say something mean.
Mateo: Like what?
Cheyenne: Um, I don't know. Oh, say something mean about Beyoncé.
Mateo: [scoffs] I'd rather be deported.

Jonah: Yeah, 99% of the Internet is just people tearing other people down. It's actually why I am considering leaving social media.
Mateo: Just do it, already. Ugh, you don't get points for talking about it.

Amy: "So now this idiot drags me back a second time to force feed me French fries and do a strip show"?
Glenn: I used to be a people person. When I was at the hardware store, I could cheer up any unhappy customer with, like, a smile or a few words. Or sometimes I'd slam my finger in the cash register as a joke.
Amy: Ah, look, Glenn, you're still a people person.
Glenn: I wish the Internet had never been invented. Although then Jerusha wouldn't be able to buy her Chinese cigarettes.