Jonah: What about "Sexual Co-workers"?
Dina: Awful.
Garrett: Just say you don't care.

Mateo: Come on!
Jonah: No, I'm not gonna beat you up.
Mateo: Oh, so you'd just rather I get kicked out of the country? I thought you were my friend.
Jonah: I am your friend. That's why I offered to marry you.
Mateo: For the last time, I will not marry you, Jonah!
Jonah: [to customers] I-I don't wanna marry him. I just think that he should wanna marry me. Never mind. Keep shopping.
Mateo: Look, I know you don't want to hurt me, but not doing this is hurting me. So... if you're really my friend, please, beat the hell out of me.

Mateo: Okay. How do you want to do this?
Jonah: Uh, I don't know. I'm not really much of a fighter.
Mateo: I guess just start with a punch in the face?
Jonah: Yeah, yeah, okay. Uh, uh... Maybe... maybe close your eyes. Yeah, just... yeah, okay, cool. Uh, on second thought, open your eyes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Mateo: Open?
Jonah: Okay. Here it comes. Here we go. No, see, now you're just staring at me and... and that's weird.
Mateo: [sighs] Oh, come on. Uh, don't think of it as a hate crime.
Jonah: Well, I wasn't. But now I am.
Cheyenne: You could just stomp on his head.
Jonah: Yeah, how about I just do this? What if I just kind of go like this? [swings arms] And you just sort of walk into it. Maybe this is better? Yeah.

Jonah: Mateo, it's not that easy to just punch somebody that you're not fighting with.
Mateo: Fine. Then let's fight.
Jonah: Well...
Mateo: [shoves Jonah] Come on.
Jonah: Okay, but I...
Mateo: Hit me, wuss.
Jonah: Well, I-I... we already...
Mateo: Come on, hit me.
Jonah: Well, I... this is not necessary.
Mateo: Hit me.
Jonah: I'd like... I'd like to hit you.
Mateo: Hit me.
Jonah: No... Mateo, my point...
Mateo: Hit me! [hits Jonah]
Jonah: Ow!
Cheyenne: Oh!
Mateo: All right! Now you go.

Cheyenne: So... what are you gonna do now?
Mateo: I don't know.
Jonah: Just... just talk to Jeff. He cares about you. You'll... you'll work it out.
Mateo: Yeah, maybe.
Cheyenne: I'm sorry I didn't come through for you.
Mateo: Yeah, you really blew it.

Garrett: [on the phone] All right, we have been talking and...
Dina: We'd like a fourth box added, labeled as "Other."
Maureen: That's it? "Other"?
Garrett: We're very excited about "Other," Maureen.

Dina: Okay. I'm gonna just go dock your pay, 'cause you should have been working all this time. Slacker.
Garrett: You got bird seed in your hair.
Dina: Shut up.

Glenn: "And then this psycho stalker doesn't eat the cookies my mom offered her." You wouldn't eat the cookies?
Amy: Well, they were dominoes. The point is, he was as mean to me as he was to you.
Glenn: Oh, no, he's way meaner to you. He says you're a munchkin.
Amy: Glad to see you're feeling better.
Glenn: He calls you "Lamey Amy." Oh, that's clever. He's a good writer.

Mateo: Jeff. Jeff, wait.
Jeff: Hey. Ah, a little celebratory dinner tonight? I made us a reservation at the place with the fish tank.
Mateo: I can't transfer.
Jeff: What? Why?
Mateo: Uh... I just... It's complicated, but I... I just can't.
Jonah: All right, well, I mean, we talked about it. I would transfer but there's...
Mateo: No, I'm not asking you to transfer.
Jeff: No, but I'm just saying, if this is about your career, I totally get that.
Mateo: It's not about the job.
Jeff: Okay, but it would be a lateral move at worst for you.
Mateo: Jeff, please listen to me. I just... I'm not... I'm not... in love with you.
Jeff: Oh. I... uh... Are you breaking up with me?
Mateo: I'm sorry. [walks away]

Cheyenne: Are you okay?
Mateo: Not really. I just... I don't know if I did the right thing...
Jonah: [punches Mateo] Ha. I did it! Whoo!
Mateo: Ulch.
Jonah: Cheyenne, I did it. [panting]
Glenn: Oh.
Jonah: You're welcome.