Cynthia: You ran off halfway through the tour.
Jonah: Yeah, I had to finish some stuff back here. Uh, hey, listen. You should really talk to Glenn. I know he's kind of awkward, but he's, like, the heart and soul of this place.
Cynthia: Maybe you could show me around back here.
Jonah: Oh, back here?
Cynthia: Yeah.
Jonah: There's not really much to see back here. There's a water stain in the shape of a crescent moon, so... um, I Instagrammed it. It's, uh, got seven likes.
Cynthia: You're cute.
Jonah: You're cute.
Cynthia: You're like a Jewish Kennedy.
Jonah: That's so... specific. Um, but... I'm not just cute, right? Like I... I'm not just style over substance...
Cynthia: Does it matter?
Jonah: It should. But you're really pretty, and you smell like a pear.

Amy: About before... I was just trying to cheer Glenn up, but I should not have said that the reporter was only interested in your ideas because she was attracted to you. So... I am sorry.
Jonah: Don't worry about it. But for the record, if someone had said that to you, as a woman, you probably wouldn't have been cool with it.
Amy: Yeah, I know. That's wh...
Jonah: Don't worry about it. It's done! Teachable moment. [they shake hands] Uh, you know, if the roles were reversed... [Amy walks off] Oh, okay. Nope, sure.

Dina: I'm sorry to interrupt all of your days, but I think this would be a good time for me to go over Cloud 9's policy on inappropriate sexual behavior in the workplace.
Jonah: Oh...
Glenn: You said this was an emergency!
Dina: I know what I said.
Glenn: I was peeing! I had to cut myself off. It's very uncomfortable.

Dina: Anyone else? [Jonah shakes his head] Okay. Well, then without further ado, please watch this video on inappropriate sexual behavior in the workplace.
Glenn: Oh, my.
Garrett: Okay!
Glenn: Jonah!
Garrett: Well, well, well.
Cheyenne: Oh, my goodness. [all shouting]
Garrett: My boy! That is my boy!
Mateo: Ugh! I just ate!
Glenn: Is that how people really kiss now?
Jonah: I think we've seen enough.

Amy: Uh, maybe it's because she thought all of his brilliant ideas were inside his mouth, so she had to, like, get in there with her tongue and suck 'em out.

Mateo: You will spread your legs for anyone who will write a story about you, won't you?
Jonah: That has nothing to do...
Dina: Jonah. There's about 50 store rules broken on that tape.
Jonah: I know.
Dina: It is disgusting.
Jonah: I'm sorry.
Dina: And there's just one thing left to say. You're... safe now. Bring it in. [hugs Jonah] Wow. You fit right in there perfectly, don't you? [sighs] You've been sexually assaulted.
Garrett: What?
Dina: And... I was hoping you could start to heal by admitting that here in a safe place, but...
Jonah: No, no, that's not... no.
Dina: You are obviously very ashamed.
Jonah: No. No, no.
Dina: Hey. You didn't do anything wrong.

Jonah: Maybe we should all just stop talking about this.
Dina: No.
Amy: Or we could play it again and then do the voices of what they're thinking.
Garrett: Mm-hmm.
Jonah: Great. Sorry ev...
Dina: Nope. Let's all give Jonah a round of applause, everybody. He's had a hard day. [applause]

Dina: You are a journalist and a rapist, and those are the two worst things any person can be. Now, listen up, Connie Chung. If you set foot in this store... ever again... I will bring hell down on you.

Glenn: Hey! Thank you so much for coming today.
Photographer: Oh, you're welcome.
Glenn: You know, you never actually got a picture of me.
Photographer: Oh, darn.
Glenn: Uh, but, I'm free now. Are people still saying "cheese"?
Photographer: Uh...
Glenn: 'Cause, I don't want to...
Photographer: Yeah, you know, I wish I could, but this camera only holds 5 million photos.
Glenn: Oh. Thanks, though.
Garrett: Hold up. You haven't gotten a picture of me yet.
Photographer: Oh.
Garrett: Why don't we get one with my boy Glenn?

Amy: Hey, Stud.
Jonah: Hey, listen. For the record...
Amy: It is none of my business. It was just two consenting adults making out... next to 80 bags of kitty litter. But I'm not judging you. So are you leaving, or...
Jonah: Just waiting for my ride.
Cynthia: Hey. Let's go. My hotel's right around the corner.
Amy: [laughs] Wow. So you guys have, like, more ideas to talk about.
Jonah: Uh, no, no. It's like you said: I'm just really, really, cute.
Amy: That's not what I said.
Jonah: Like a panda.