Jonah Quote #578

Quote from Jonah in Health Fund

Amy: Okay, so in the first four hours, you've managed to commit us to $37,000.
Jonah: The claims just kept coming, and, you know, it's like that opening in Star Wars where the words zoom past you. And at first it's cool, but eventually you just can't keep up.
Amy: Wait, Sandra alone has asthma, rheumatoid arthritis, sciatica, fibromyalgia, leaky gut syndrome... This just keeps going.
Jonah: We just got to keep signing people up. That's all, okay? If we get everybody in the backroom to sign up then that will pay for these people. And then we can go to other branches and then that will pay for the backroom...
Amy: [gasps] This is a pyramid scheme.

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 ‘Health Fund’ Quotes

Quote from Amy

Amy: Oh, hey, what sounds more like a real charity, The Mateo Project, or the Liwanag League?
Jonah: This is crazy. We shouldn't have to invent a charity every single time an employee needs money to see a doctor. The Mateo Project.
Amy: Really? I think the Liwanag League.
Jonah: I mean, scrambling to pull money together whenever somebody gets sick? That's... That's inhuman.
Amy: Would love to get people to pony up before we get sick, but planning ahead just really isn't our style. No, you were right, Mateo Project.

Quote from Amy

Jonah: Wait, no, that's actually a really good idea. If we all contribute a little bit of money every month, we could create our own health fund.
Amy: [gasps] Oh, my God. Jonah. That's amazing.
Jonah: Right?
Amy: You just did it. You... You solved healthcare. I mean... Okay. So many brilliant minds have tried before you and they couldn't, and then here you are...
Jonah: Okay. [walks away]
Amy: Jonah the working class savant with a few business school credits. Jonah, where are you going? Together we could solve immigration.

 Jonah Simms Quotes

Quote from Election Day

Jonah: Not to put my head in the lion's mouth, but now I'm thinking Times New Roman.
Amy: [sighs] Times New Roman would be a fine font, Jonah, and so would Helvetica and Garamond, and really any font would be just fine.
Jonah: Not Wingdings.
Amy: No one was suggesting Wingdings.

Quote from Customer Satisfaction

Jonah: The key is a personal connection. Customers eat that up, especially moms. You guys get a mom, you send her my way. I'm gonna get you that positive feedback, guaranteed.
Mateo: Ew. You're gonna sleep with all the moms to get a good survey?
Jonah: No! What?
Glenn: Jonah, please. Let's keep it clean.
Dina: Glenn, we actually legally can't tell Jonah who not to sleep with, so if you're gonna have sex with the moms, just do it on your break.
Jonah: I'm not... F- Fine.