Garrett: Wait, wait, wait. Hold up. So if I'm Platinum Select, does that mean that I get the stuff in the Gryffindor tier?
Amy: No, no, if you want things in the Gryffindor tier, you need to upgrade either to the Platinum Ultra or the Platinum Blue.
Garrett: Okay.

Kelly: Okay, look, I get it up to Diamond Plus, but when you get down to Wall of Fire, it's like, "What?"
Isaac: Guys, we're making it too difficult. We just got to simplify. Cover everything, exclude no one, and make it affordable.
Garrett: Come on.
Jonah: Why didn't we think of that.

Marcus: Okay, okay, okay. It seems to me the problem is that some of us are going to use the fund more than others, but no one wants to put in more money than they're going to take out.
Amy: Yes, exactly. Thank you.
Marcus: So my suggestion would be, what if we restrict the fund to those of us who are able to complete a series of Ninja Warrior type physical challenges?
Amy: Mm, see, I was with you for so long.
Marcus: Okay, how about if you can jump on a table then you're in.
Amy: No, we're not doing that.

Amy: I'm telling you, a little VapoRub on a Q-tip and...
Jonah: Again with the VapoRub.
Amy: It's a miracle drug!

Isaac: You got to rub breast milk on it. Breast milk helps anything. The problem is just finding breast milk.
Amy: Why would you go looking for breast milk when we have VapoRub right here in the store?
Marcus: Yeah, or root beer. A root beer fixes everything. Gallstones, pinkeye. It'll clean your toilet. It's kind of the perfect food.

Sandra: I have a question. Who gave you the right to play God?
Jonah: All I said was the fund can't pay for a live-in nurse. That doesn't mean I want to let Jerry die.
Sandra: Right, you're just not willing to lift a finger to help him. Understood loud and clear. Thanks Jonah.

Mateo: Oh. [groans] [groans] [groans loudly]
Garrett: Mateo, we get it.
Mateo: Okay, I can't help it. I have an ear infection.
Glenn: You know, whenever I get one of those, I put a little garlic oil in my ear. It takes away the sting, and you get to smell like the Pope.

Kelly: Oh, why don't you go to a doctor?
Mateo: Our deductible is $4,000, so no.
Jonah: We don't have the best health insurance.
Mateo: I get ear infections all the time, okay? It will go away.
Sandra: I've had cavity for over a year. I just put a little candle wax in it to hold me over until I win the lottery.
Kelly: That's horrifying.
Sandra: It's not so bad once the nerve is dead.

Jonah: Enzymes... Apple cider vinegar has good enzymes.

[Marcus is pouring a soft drink into a funnel in Mateo's ear]
Mateo: Oh. Ah, ah. Oh. I can feel it fizzing.
Marcus: Oh, yeah. That means it's working. [drinks] Oh, that's good root beer.