Amy: I go to, like, three funerals a year. It's a good excuse to see family.
Jonah: I don't even know anybody who's ever been in, like, a major accident.
Amy: Also a weird thing to brag about.
Jonah: Except for Garrett, maybe. That was an accident, right? He was... how, uh...
Amy: Huh. I don't know.
Jonah: Me neither. I feel like I should know that.
Amy: Why?
Jonah: Because he's, you know, one of my best friends. And my roommate. We're definitely close enough for me to know. We pee with the doors open.
Amy: I don't pee in front of anyone.
Jonah: Well then, I guess you don't have any best friends.

Mateo: These things are impossible.
Cheyenne: Yeah, and who is gonna steal a Matrix 2 and 3 box set?

Glenn: I think it's very, very likely that he is still alive. But if you two are upset about his disappearance, then you can take a break for a while.
Cheyenne: Oh, no, that's okay, we don't...
Mateo: Thank you, Glenn. We, um, we could really use a chance to sit and reflect. You know, Brett was like a father to me, so...
Cheyenne: Yeah, and he was... he was like a grandfather to me.
Mateo: [clears throat] Uh, I'm young enough that he was also like a grandfather to me.
Glenn: I had no idea. Well, you two take as long as you need, okay? You know, a book of Matthew says, "Blessed are those who mourn..."
Cheyenne: Glenn, we're gonna mourn in our own way.
Mateo: [whispers] Yeah.

Amy: Hey, Dina, Justine's complaining about an odor in the women's room again. She's describing it as a liquid raccoon smell. Hey, Dina. You okay?
Dina: What? Yeah, sorry, I just haven't really been sleeping lately. You know, weather's getting worse. I'm starting to think we should get everyone into the new storm shelter.
Amy: [scoffs] Uh, I don't think that's necessary. It's just a rainstorm.
Dina: Tell that to Brett. Oh, wait, you can't. 'Cause he's smeared all over the Midwest.

Glenn: Again, I'm so sorry for the false alarm. There's no tornado. You're free to leave.
Dina: Now, better safe than sorry, so no apologies.
Glenn: Yes, but, well, we are apologizing.
Dina: I am absolutely not apologizing.
Glenn: Well, some people should be.
Dina: Well, some people should shut their damn yaps.
Glenn: Anyway, as a thank you, please enjoy a coupon for 50 cents off frozen yogurt in the café.
Amy: [clears throat] We could only find ten.
Glenn: So... get them while they're hot. Give one to her. Dina was really rough with her.

Glenn: Okay, uh, I also wanna include a funny story.
Mateo: Well... We obviously have... so many of those.
Cheyenne: Obviously. From real life.
Mateo: Mm-hmm.
Glenn: Great. Okay.
Mateo: Cheyenne, what's your favorite?

Dina: Just a heads-up, we're gonna need to do a full restock of the jerky. I'm taking this down to the storm shelter.
Amy: Oh, do we need that much? Tornadoes last, like, 15 minutes.
Dina: Uh, what if the roof caves in? Sorry, everybody. Looks like we're gonna starve down here because Amy thought we'd only be trapped for 15 minutes.
Amy: Uh, Dina? That seems a little dramatic.
Dina: "Okay, uh, Dina? That seems a little dramatic." Look, I don't have time to roast you, okay? I still need sun lamps, mylar blankets...
Amy: Are you maybe going through anything you wanna talk about, or...
Dina: Okay, I need to have games for morale. Chess, Scrabble, Uno for the dummies.
Amy: Okay, Dina? I'm worried about you. As a friend.
Dina: You wanna be a friend? Go freeze a couple hundred pounds of chard.
Amy: I'm not doing that.
Dina: Fine. Guess we won't have chard.

Sandra: [on the phone] Okay. Thank you. [hangs up]
Jonah: Hey, Sandra, how's it going?
Sandra: I just found out Jerry's feeding tube got infected and...
Jonah: Ah, same here. So let me ask you a question, but don't tell Garrett.
Sandra: Okay.

Amy: I just think that the tornado and this Brett stuff is really affecting you.
Dina: How many iodine tablets to sterilize urine? Is it two or three? I really couldn't say. Maybe err on the side of caution.
Amy: Are you okay? 'Cause you seem a little manic.
Dina: Is this your thing? Do you like to just follow people and tell them everything you think is wrong with them? 'Cause I could do that too.
Amy: No, that's not...
Dina: Hair. Chin. Shrimpy build. Boobs. Well, left boob.
Amy: I'm willing to ignore that because I know you're lashing out.
Dina: Ankles.
Amy: I have joint inflammation! You need to get help!

Dina: This is waste of time.
Amy: Look, Dina. I just think that you're holding in a lot of pent-up emotion and that it's good to talk about these things. I learned that in couples therapy.
Dina: Oh, and that worked out great for you, didn't it?
Cheyenne: Dina, that didn't work out for them, though, actually. They're getting a divorce.
Dina: [mouths] I know.