Garrett Quote #351
Quote from Garrett in Blizzard
Garrett: [over PA] Attention, all remaining customers. The governor has declared a state of emergency. Customers are advised to get home before conditions worsen, which begs the question, what about employees who also drive cars and also have families and/or video games to get home to?
Glenn: [over PA] Yeah, I- I checked on that, and corporate would like us to stay until closing so...
Amy: [scoffs] [over PA] Glenn, this is crazy. It's really bad out there.
Glenn: Oh, I don't know. Maybe it's starting to lighten up a bit.
Jonah: [over PA] No, actually, it's getting worse. Uh, they're calling it the snow-poca-blizz. Oh, wait, nope, that's just some guy on Twitter trying to get it going.
Glenn: Okay, well, you know, I'll try 'em again. [phone beeping over P.A.]
Jonah: Oh, no, no, no, Glenn, no, that's you're still using the intercom phone. [beeping and feedback over PA.]
Glenn: Ow!
Amy: Put it down.
Glenn: Oh, phooey to corporate. Let's just get outta here.
Garrett: You heard the man, go, go!
Man: [over PA] Okay, before you go, can you unlock the razor case? I don't know why you guys lock up the razor blades.
Dina: [over PA] They're actually one of the most shoplifted items: high-ticket and easy to pocket. People also steal name-brand detergent, condoms, baby formula. You wouldn't think it, but they sell it and buy heroin. Pretty grim. Anyway, happy to help.
Superstore Quotes
‘Blizzard’ Quotes
Quote from Marcus
Marcus: I had just deuced in the shower.
Isaac: Ugh.
Cheyenne: Ugh.
Amy: Why?
Marcus: Okay, right, when you guys are in the shower and you have to go, you just hold it.
Amy: Yes. Yeah. That's what you do when it's a number two.
Marcus: Sure, so you don't poop in the shower every morning and stamp it down the drain with your feet? [Justine gags]
Isaac: Oh, my God.
Marcus: Okay, whatever. Screw you, snowflakes. Bunch of princesses.
Quote from Dina
Dina: You know that we're liable for any assaults that take place tonight, right?
Glenn: I-
Dina: [to Cheyenne] Now, you need to set up in the very center of the floor, okay? We need to keep the hotties in the middle, make them harder to get to. That's how wolves protect their hottest wolves.
Cheyenne: Okay.
Dina: Listen, I'm gonna do everything in my power to make sure you make it through the night alive, okay?
Cheyenne: Oh, all right, thanks, Dina.
Dina: You know, we should really tie bells to some of the creeps so we can hear them coming.
Quote from Garrett
Garrett: [over PA] Attention, Cloud 9 shoppers. It's really comin' down out there. Now, I'm not a licensed meteorologist, but I believe the technical term is snowy AF. For anyone stocking up, we are limiting all water purchases to one case per person, and that does include coconut water, watermelon water, cucumber water, aloe water, probiotic water, and electric water, which is something I just made up but you probably got all excited about. And if anybody lost a blue hair thingie, please come pick it up at customer service.
Cheyenne: [holding "Line Up Here" sign"] Oh, that's mine! [runs] [customers follow her]