Elaine: Anyway, I admit I was dumb to go to the bookstore to tell him I didn't say hi, but he didn't have to act so smug. Oh, I hate smugness. Don't you hate smugness?
Cab Driver: [strong accent] Smugness is not a good quality.
Elaine: Oh, my God. That man over there. I think he's wearing glasses that look just like Jake's. Pull over, stop the car. Here, here. I think I got a way of getting back at my ex-boyfriend.
Cab Driver: Good. Revenge is very good.

Elaine: Excuse me! Excuse me! Excuse me, sir. Sir?
Man: Yes?
Elaine: Uh. Ah, if you don't mind my asking, could you tell me where you got your glasses?
Man: Malaysia.
Elaine: Malaysia?
Man: Yeah.
Elaine: Um, look, I know this'll sound odd, but can I buy them from you?
Man: Actually, I was gonna buy a new pair.
Elaine: Oh!
Man: But I, I can barely see without these.
Elaine: Come on.
Man: Well, these were expensive.
Elaine: Let's start the bidding.

George: So, you didn't think this was a date?
Debby: N... No, not really. Why, is it... a date?
George: I thought it was a date.
Debby: No. It's not a date.
George: What about the regards?
Debby: Regards don't mean anything. I mean, it's not like I said hi. Hey, the fact is... [sighs] I shouldn't say anything.
George: No, tell me.
Debby: Can you keep a secret?
George: Me? Oh yeah.
Debby: [deep breath] I never had feelings for Gary until he got sick. But, he was so brave and... and gained such a wonderful perspective on life. I... I fell in love with him.
George: Oh, yeah, he's got some perspective there.

Kramer: Newman! The white whale?

George: Can you believe he sold his glasses on the street?
Jerry: Can you believe someone would lie about chemotherapy to get a wig? Would you do that?
George: No. Definitely not.
Jerry: Yeah.
George: I'm pretty sure I wouldn't.

Jerry: And you know what else? He picked up that woman in the coffee shop.
George: The one who always sits by herself?
Jerry: Yeah!
George: How did he do that?
Jerry: Because he was brimming with confidence from the toupee.
George: Really? And Debby told me that she fell in love with him because he has all this perspective!
Jerry: She thinks a guy who lies about a life-threatening illness, so he can get some phony hair has perspective?

Elaine: Jake, Jake. Take a look. [puts on the frames] Ah, see, you're not the only one who has them. I have them too.
Jake Jarmel: Where did you get those?
Elaine: Malaysia. I was in the area.
Jake Jarmel: [thumps the desk]

George: I'll try some on and see how they look. It's just hair.
Jerry: You ever see what that thing looks like in the back? You got your natural little curls on the bottom, and then that big phony mat coming down on top of 'em.
George: Well, some of 'em look good. The ones that look good you don't even know about.
Jerry: What if you get involved with a woman? How are you gonna tell her?
George: The way they make them these days, I'll never have to tell her.
Jerry: So you keep it a secret your whole life, then at your funeral the mortician comes out, "Here, Mrs Costanza, I thought you might want this."

Mr. Lippman: It's no secret that it's my dream to have my own publishing house, and if this Jake Jarmel book does, you know, what I think it's gonna do. If I can get this whole thing off the ground, then, you know, I think I'll have something for you.
Elaine: Oh, Mr Lippman. That is so exciting. I mean, you have no idea how sick I am of running around town looking for socks.
Mr. Lippman: Yeah, by the way, those are great glasses.
Elaine: Oh really, you like them?
Mr. Lippman: Uh-huh. Very unusual.
Elaine: Well, you know what? You can have them.

George: [to salesman] Well, maybe you could show me something else.
Salesman: As I said, it'll be different once we design something specifically for you. But I don't think your friend here is being very helpful.
Jerry: Oh, hey, I'm being helpful. I am the only one being helpful!
Salesman: No, I don't think you're being helpful! I think you're being disruptive, and you make it very difficult for your friend here to improve his life!
Jerry: Hey, I'm trying to prevent my friend from becoming one of those guys people snicker at behind their back, because they look ridiculous! No offence to you personally!
Salesman: All you people with hair think you're so damn superior! You have no idea what it's like. You ever look down in the bottom of your tub and see a fist full of hair? How'd you like to start your day with that?!
Jerry: All right! Take it easy! Take it easy.