Jerry: [answers phone] Hello?
Helen Seinfeld: Jerry? Leo told us he saw your bounced check. Are you having money problems?
Jerry: I'm not having money problems.
Helen Seinfeld: Enough with the comedy. You're very clever. You should look into advertising.
Morty Seinfeld: He never even called Ed Roydlick. They were looking for someone.
Jerry: I'm not calling Ed Roydlick. I'm doing fine!
Helen Seinfeld: That's it. I'm going to send you fifty dollars.
Jerry: You are not sending me fifty dollars!
Helen Seinfeld: We're sending you fifty dollars. Morty, get me an envelope.
Jerry: I swear to God, if you send me fifty dollars, you are gonna be so sorry!
Morty Seinfeld: I don't see envelopes!
Helen Seinfeld: They're right in front of you. Oh, for heaven's sakes... [goes to help Morty]
Jerry: Ma! Ma! Ma! [hangs up]

George: So? Movie tonight?
Jerry: I thought you were going out with Celia.
George: I did. I'm back. I love this relationship, I feel so liberated.
Jerry: Having her in jail.
George: Yeah, the only thing that bothers me is that I'm just coming up with this now.
Jerry: Yeah, dating a convicted felon. I don't know how you missed it.

Marcelino: Hey, Kramer. Nice rooster. What's his name?
Kramer: Well, this is Little Jerry Seinfeld.
Marcelino: Little Jerry Seinfeld. Does he bounce checks? [laughs]
Kramer: Look, can't you take Jerry's check down?
Marcelino: Sorry, Kramer, can't help you.
[When a woman enters the bodega with her dog, Kramer's rooster and the dog fight]
Marcelino: I like the way he handles himself.

Elaine: Oh, it's coming in already! Wow, you have some very nice little seedlings here. Huh.
Kurt: What?
Elaine: Well, it doesn't seem to be coming in so good over here. Or here.
Kurt: What do you mean?
Elaine: Well, I don't know. How long have you been shaving your head for?
Kurt: About three years.
Elaine: Huh.
Kurt: Oh, my God! I'm going bald!

Jerry: So Marcelino's going to take down the check?
Kramer: Well, it comes down if Little Jerry Seinfeld wins the cockfight.
Jerry: Great. What?
Kramer: Well, Marcelino, he has cockfights in the back of his store.
Jerry: Uh-huh.
Kramer: So, he says if Little Jerry Seinfeld wins, the check comes down.
Jerry: Kramer, cockfighting is illegal.
Kramer: Only in the United States.
Jerry: It's inhumane!
Kramer: No, Jerry, it's not what you think it is.
Jerry: It's two roosters pecking at each other!
Kramer: What?
Jerry: Yeah!
Kramer: Well, I thought they wore gloves and helmets, you know, like "American Gladiators."
Jerry: No Kramer, Little Jerry could get hurt.
Kramer: Well, I left him with Marcelino. My Little Jerry! [runs out]

Jerry: Hey, did you get Little Jerry, is he okay?
Kramer: Well, he's more than okay, he won!
Jerry: You let him fight?
Kramer: I couldn't get there in time to stop it. But you should have seen Little Jerry, Jerry. Flapping his wings and strutting his stuff. He was pecking and weaving and bobbing and talking trash. He didn't even have to touch him. The other rooster ran out of the ring. The whole fight lasted two seconds.
Jerry: How long do they usually last?
Kramer: Five seconds. And Marcelino says he's taking your check down today.
Jerry: Great.

George: [enters] Celia's up for parole.
Kramer: Hey, Little Jerry won his cockfight.
George: What?
Kramer: Who?
Jerry: I'm too tired.

George: It's over, Jerry. She's getting out.
Jerry: Ah, I'm so sorry.
George: She's been locked up for two years. She's gonna want to make up for lost time. Dinners, movies, talking...
Jerry: In other words, a normal relationship.
George: And that's no good. I've tried it straight, Jerry. We've all seen the results. For me, sick is the only way to go.
Jerry: Well, she'll still be an ex-con.
George: It's not the same.
Jerry: Hey, if you two are meant to be together, I'm sure the cops'll pick her up on something.

Elaine: Kurt? What's with the sweats? Aren't we going out?
Kurt: I don't care.
Elaine: You, uh, got a big stain on your shirt.
Kurt: Oh, yeah. A meatball fell out of my sandwich.
Elaine: You already ate?
Kurt: It's from yesterday.

Marcelino: Jerry, you missed a hell of a cockfight last night.
Jerry: Then what is my check still doing up? We had a deal.
Marcelino: Now we have a new deal.
Jerry: New deal?
Marcelino: When Little Jerry Seinfeld is mine, the check will be yours.
Jerry: This is outrageous. Pack of Juicy Fruit.
Marcelino: 85 cents.
Jerry: 85 cents? That is outrageous!