J. Peterman: Bad news, people. Peggy is home sick.
Elaine: Oh, please.
J. Peterman: She's stuffed up, achy and suffering from intense malaise.
Elaine: Oh, come on. We all have intense malaise, right?
J. Peterman: I just spoke with her, Elaine. She's in bed.
Elaine: Yeah. Let me tell you something. This is all in her mind. Okay, she is insane. She thinks I made her sick because I coughed on her doorknob, rubbed her stapler in my armpit and put her keyboard on my butt. [to guy next to her] Yeah. She's a wacko.

Peggy: It was very nice of you to bring the man you're currently sleeping with to talk to me, but I assure you, I don't have any problem with germs.
David Puddy: Don't you? Elaine.
[Elaine leans in towards Peggy]
Peggy: Please.
David Puddy: I know it looks bleak. I've been there. Ten years ago, waking up next to a woman like this would have sent me running for the pHisoHex.
Peggy: Really?
David Puddy: I still have trouble looking at those disgusting old bedroom slippers she slobs around in.
Elaine: Hey, I've had those since college. They're bunnies.
David Puddy: They're bacteria traps.
Peggy: So you just learned to live with it?
David Puddy: For the most part.
Elaine: Okay. We're broken up for the rest of the day.

Jason Hanky: George, thanks for coming down to talk. I wanted to see you right away, but my hours here aren't so flexible. I just started yesterday.
George: Well, I'm here. What is it?
Jason Hanky: Well, I talked to my sponsor, and I've thought it over. And you know, my apology at the coffee shop was sarcastic and rude, and you deserve much better.
George: Well, thank you.
Jason Hanky: You're welcome.
Boy: Can I get a triple Minute Man Mint?
Jason Hanky: Waffle or sugar cone?
George: Excuse me, Jason. I don't wanna get into a big thing here but I'm not sure if technically, what you just said was actually an apology.

Boy: Can you get on that cone?
Jason Hanky: Would you hang on just a second, son? George, what are you talking about?
George: Well, it's just all you said was, "You're welcome." Which is nice. It's very nice. But I feel I gotta get the apology.
Boy: Is there anybody else here but you?
Jason Hanky: I'm alone and it's my second day. You know, I don't even think we have that flavor, so... George, really, enough, okay? You know, I admitted I was wrong. What more do you want from me?
George: I want an apology.
Jason Hanky: All right, look...
Boy #2: Did you try it?
Boy: No, this guy doesn't know what he's doing.
Jason Hanky: Oh, yes, I do. Yes, I do. Okay, I'm interacting with someone here, if you can understand that. Now, I'm sorry.
George: There it is. You said it. That's what I want. Now say it again and tell it to me.
Jason Hanky: I'm not saying anything to you. I'm not sorry. I was never sorry. It was cashmere. I hate Step 9. Where's that Rum Raisin? Where is it? I can't find anything. [climbs in the cooler] I need a drink. Daiquiri Ice. Here we go. What are you looking at? Get out. Come on. Can't you see we're closed? Get out.

George: She ate breakfast naked?
Jerry: She didn't even want a napkin.
George: I've had bedroom naked, I've had walk-to-the-bathroom naked. I have never had living-room naked.
Jerry: Oh, it's a scene.
George: It's like you're living in the Playboy Mansion. Did she...? Did she frolic?
Jerry: I don't really have enough room.

Elaine: So guess who called me last night. Jason Hanky.
George: "Stanky" Hanky? What did he want?
Elaine: He called to apologize for standing me up five years ago.
Jerry: Why now?
Elaine: A.A. It's one of the 12 steps. Step number 9 is you have to apologize to everyone you've ever wronged.

Kramer: You went to the coffee shop without me? I told you I just wanted to hop in the shower.
Jerry: That's an hour ago. What were you doing in there?
Kramer: Showering. How long does it take you?
Jerry: Ten minutes.
Kramer: Ten minutes? That's kooky talk.

Kramer: Elaine, how long do you spend in the shower?
Elaine: Ten minutes.
Kramer: Let me smell you.
Elaine: All right. Whiff away.
Kramer: It's not bad at all.

Elaine: So get this. I'm in the bathroom at work today and I see Peggy using a seat protector.
Jerry: So?
Elaine: We're the only women on the floor. I mean, we're like roommates. Would you use a seat protector if you had a roommate?
Jerry: [Kramer spills his drink] I think the damage is probably already done. All right. I'll get that.
Kramer: All right. It's just...
Jerry: Maybe she just practices good hygiene.
Elaine: Yeah, you're right. She's probably one of those neurotic clean freaks.

Kramer: Well, here's my shower routine. Maybe I can make some changes. Yeah, washcloth mittens and maybe some liquid soap... and just... [pop sound] focus.