Derek: [v.o.] Just stay quiet. Don't get sucked into their petty mess.
Turk: Come on, buddy. Let's go get a beer.
J.D.: What? I thought we were going out.
Turk: No. Because ever since you lucked into the hospital do-gooder role, you've been acting like a ridiculous arrogant tool.
J.D.: No, I haven't.
Turk: And I'm not the only one who thinks it, okay?
Derek: [v.o.] Please don't look at me. I'm invisible, I'm invisible! Perfect.

Derek: [v.o.] Okay, yesterday wasn't great. But stick with the plan, and keep your mouth shut.
Carla: What are you being so pissy? Is that because Izzy pointed at the TV at Al Roker and called him "daddy"?
Turk: I don't want to talk about it, baby.
Derek: [v.o.] You do not want to get mixed up in a lover's quarrel.
J.D.: So how was your night with Turk? You know what? I don't want to hear it.

Denise: I can't believe you hooked up with Howie.
Katie: I just gave him the sideboob. I give anybody the sideboob. You want some sideboob?
Denise: I'm in a good mood. Boop.

[After Sunny throws another tomato at the Janitor]
J.D.: I'd be impressed, young lady, but I can do the same thing. Observe.
[An angry Janitor stands up after J.D. throws a tomato at him]
J.D.: Popsicle. [the Janitor keeps walking] Popsicle. Popsicle. Popsicle!
[later, J.D. is wet and covered with food:]
J.D.: As it turned out, the janitor lied to me about being hypnotized.

Denise: Paige's biopsy is negative. Great. You know what's gonna happen next.
[fantasy:]
Elliot: I told you so, I told you so. I told you so, I told you so, I told you so. And now in French. Je te l'ai dit. Oui c'est ça, je te l'ai dit. You want some German, Denise, huh? Ich hab's gesagt, ja das stimmt, ich hab's gesagt. I told her so.
[reality:]
Denise: [v.o.] Maybe she won't rub it in my face.
Elliot: I told you so! [dances] Yeah, I'm not gonna do the splits here because this floor's disgusting and I'm wearing a thong, but I can bring it home with a little robot for you. Robot. Told you so.

Paige: I have to have this scar on my face for nothing.
Elliot: I know that it seems big now, but it will get smaller as it heals. [Paige sobs] Paige, what are you doing?
Paige: I know it's silly, but I just I like my eyes. It's not fair. Can I just have a minute, please?
Elliot: Of course.
Denise: Crap. Please do not do the robot again.
Elliot: Fine. This is why I don't listen to interns, okay? It's not because you're young or because I'm stubborn. It's because you're not accountable. If there's a mistake or a misdiagnosis, or even a tiny little scar on someone's face, it's on me. And that's how it should be. Interns need a little safety net at first just to survive. So don't feel guilty about her, okay? It was my decision. I'm the one who has to feel guilty. [as Paige sobs] I can't believe you did this to me.

J.D.: Derek, Derek, Derek, Derek. It's Derek, right?
Derek: [v.o.] Last time you talked to this guy, you compared him to Martin Luther King, so he hates you. Unless his ego is so big he thought you were serious.
J.D.: Derek, I too have a dream.
Derek: [v.o.] Wow.
J.D.: That one day, Turk will be able to deal with my... Well, let's just call it what it is, meteoric rise to prominence. You know, it's hard for him, because he's used to being the big shot.

Carla: Oh, my God. Is that why Turk is being such a pain? He can be the biggest baby. [to Derek] Hi, I'm Carla. You're handsome.
J.D.: Be careful, she likes brown men. We both do.
Derek: [v.o.] Kill me.
Turk: What are you doing sitting with them?
Derek: [v.o.] And now it's worse.

Dr. Cox: Hi. Eavesdropping. Now, I'm not exactly clear on the details, but, from what I can gather, my new promotion and subsequent interaction with you seems to have caused a rift in your relationship. Well quite frankly, I think it's fantastic.
Carla: You're being an idiot.
Dr. Cox: And the wife is upset too. Hot diggity.

Turk: You could try and empathize instead of giving Derek over here the googly eyes. Carla.
Carla: What?
J.D.: Give her a break, man! He's like a male Halle Berry.