Turk: All right, class, first order of business is simple. We're gonna take out our... J.D., what are you doing?
J.D.: Just watching you teach.
Turk: You know, in this light, You look like Denzel Washington in The Great Debaters.
Turk: Come on, man. I'm working here. Now listen. If you- You know that's what I was going for, right?
J.D.: It's pretty obvious.
Turk: All right, class, you now have 30 seconds to list the adductor muscles of the hip. Your group does not want to be last. Ready? Go.
J.D.: [v.o.] The pressure here can make some students crack.
Man: [screams]
Turk: Amir, you can't just be grabbing kidneys like that! Bring it back!

Denise: I can't believe what Cole gets away with. I'd like to fill a tube sock full of batteries and just beat him a little. You know, send a message? What?
Turk: Denise, you're scary. I mean, sure, you seem cute at first, but then you eat after midnight or get some water on you, and then boom, you turn into this monster, and I gotta throw you in a microwave and explode you.
Denise: What the hell are you talking about?
Turk: I'm talking Gremlins, woman. You know, you should get your boyfriend to watch that movie, and then maybe he could understand you better.

Turk: I just think you should go for yours. Go for yours!
Drew: You don't know me. I spent the last year In the Alaskan wilderness, living in a yurt. The only human contact I had was an Eskimo boy who sold me salmon jerky and painkillers. And do you know why? Because when I flunked out of med school before, I consequently torched every relationship that meant anything to me. I'm not taking that chance again.
Turk: What's a yurt?

Dr. Kelso: [to Drew] You know, son, I was married to my Enid for 44 years. And now she's gone. And the only reason I teach is so I don't have to be alone in my house. You can't wall yourself off from other people. You won't make it.
Turk: That's some truth being dropped there.
Dr. Kelso: Great. So how about you two clear out? Cindy here's three martinis in, and I'm about to land that marlin. Oh, damn. She was go to go.

J.D.: [v.o.] One week teaching here and already I was falling back into old rhythms with my friend and mentor, Perry Cox.
J.D.: Beautiful day, Big Per?
Dr. Cox: Dear God, Newbie, where'd you come from? Don't tell me you're following me.
J.D.: Following you? We've been walking together and falling into old rhythms since the parking structure. I told you about my new shampoo and how it's infused with honey.
Dr. Cox: Hold that thought. Forever.

Dr. Cox: [whistles] Hey you. Now did I or did I not handcraft you something to wear that symbolizes your importance to me?
J.D.: What is it? If he won't wear it, I will. Is it a cloak?
J.D.: [v.o.] Because I'd look dynamite in a cloak.
Dr. Cox: He's to always wear a sign that says "Number 1. " It signifies that he is the one med student for which I have hope.
Drew: Thanks. It's a nightmare.
Dr. Cox: All the best, Number 1.

J.D.: You don't have to wear this. Look how- Look how silly it looks on me, yeah? I hate wearing this so much.
Dr. Cox: [groans]
J.D.: he said, "You put that on you," and he was yelling. And I was like, "Okay, don't get mad." But I don't want to wear it. I don't.
Dr. Cox: Guard that, Number 1.
Drew: No.
J.D.: You're dangerous, aren't you?
Drew: Yes, I am.
J.D.: I bet you listen to rap music.

Carla: 'sup, boo? What you doing?
Denise: I'm making sure these machines keep this vegetable alive. Man, I wish his family would just let him die.
Cole: Mm, cool, cool. So what are we gonna do about this?
Denise: What the hell are you talking about?
Cole: I'm talking about this- This electricity, this spark. Zzt!
Denise: Go now.
Cole: Okay. [whispers] Here's a little secret about Old King Cole. The only way to get rid of him is to sleep with him until he gets bored with you.
Denise: Yeah, I'm gonna go get a wire brush and scrub my skin till I bleed.

J.D.: [v.o.] Others found ways to blow off steam.
[As Drew and Denise kiss, Drew attaches the "Number 1" sign to his bare chest]
Denise: What? What are you doing? No. Stop. Take it off.
Drew: I can't. H- He'll know. He's everywhere.
Denise: Drew, I don't care. I'm losing wood.

Dr. Cox: Centerfold, your previous answer was so wrong, it almost became right again. Now if you would, please help me choose the subject for my impending criticism. Would you like me to nail you for A, you being too attractive to ever be taken seriously as a doctor, B, your upsettingly small ears or C, that your stupidity is probably contagious?
Maya: I guess my contagious stupidity.
Dr. Cox: Great call. Your ears. [Drew enters] Ah, ha, ha. Welcome. Welcome, Number 1. Certainly, with your human-size ears, You can tell us what the three components Of the mucosa layer of the stomach are.
Drew: Epithelium, lamina propria, muscularis mucosa.
Dr. Cox: That was perfect. Okay, class, who hates Dr. Cox's favorite student? [All hands go up] Wow, it's the first time you assassins have gotten one right all day.