J.D.: [v.o.] There was one bright light for these kids, though, and that was me, Dr. D.
[J.D. is sitting in a tree as his students sit on the grass below]
Cole: Hey, bro, the sun is, like, super bright. Can you come down?
J.D.: As I told you, the branches are a metaphor For the cardiovascular system. So no, I cannot come down. Hence, tree class dismissed.
Lucy: Great class, Dr. D. Even better than the one you did with interpretive dance.
J.D.: Thanks. I call it "teacher-tainment." Would you be a doll and get a message to Dr. Turk A.S.A.P.? Tell him I'm stuck in the tree again, but this time there appear to be many bees. [bees buzzing] Hurry, Lucy! I've got honey hair!

Denise: Ugh. That tool Cole keeps texting me. "I have a little Cole for your slaw."
Drew: So romantic. You should hit that. At least Dr. Cox doesn't make you send a picture of yourself every ten minutes wearing a "Number 1" sign.
Denise: Wait a minute. What are we doing?
Drew: Talking.
Denise: No, this feels like sharing, and it's gross. Drew, I need to be clear about what it is I'm looking for, you know, with us. Nothing.
Drew: Same here. Sorry about the sharing.
Denise: Oh, no, no. It was both of us.

Dr. Cox: I need you to go ahead and take Mr. Evans' chart here and make four copies. Drop one off at my office, one at my car, one at the bar that I frequent, and then go bury one in the quad and draw me up a map, just in case I want to go on a treasure hunt later on. Hmm. 10 after. Goodness gracious. [Dr. Cox shows a text message from Drew with a picture of him in the showing] Oh, darn it all. Now if that ink runs, I'm gonna have to replace the whole sign.
Lucy: Weird. Broken ribs and a possible ruptured spleen? Was Mr. Evans in an accident?
Dr. Cox: Yes, he was in a train wreck called his life. You see, Alan Evans is a hard-core drunk, an alkie, a sauce monkey, a hooch goblin, a man who unwinds at the end of every single day by treating himself to a delightful garbage bag full of vodka.
Lucy: So what are we gonna do?
Dr. Cox: We're going to get him out of here, and then hopefully, he's gonna die someplace else. Like in a yard or somebody's shed. [scares an intern just by looking] I love teaching. I'm a teacher.

Denise: Mr. Shershow here is in a massive coma. Even though he can't register any outside stimulus, I still want someone to read him all seven Harry Potter books. Any volunteers? Cole, thank you.
Cole: Sorry. No can do. I got a dinner rezzie with my moms.
Denise: A rezzie? You also gonna get your drunk on and eat some 'za?
Cole: Nah, I wish. My mom is lactose-intolly. For real, though, she is the best. When we go out, she helps me pick up girls. She's my wingmom.
Denise: Horrifying.

Denise: Look, I don't know what Orlando-based boy band rejected you, but you'll do what I tell you.
Cole: Yeah, I don't think so. See, that's me and my 'rents at the hospital groundbreaking.
Denise: Wow.
Cole: They're in the major donors club. I got to cut the ribbon with some big old sizzies. Long story short, I'm untouchable around here to everyone except you. [clicks tongue] Yeah. That just happened.

Lucy: I know people like Alan. I grew up with them. My Uncle Frank is always drunk. He fought the entire band at my cousin's wedding.
J.D.: Okay, look. Alan's an addict, so the first thing you need to do Is make sure he's ready for help.
Lucy: I can't talk to him about stuff that personal. I get embarrassed too easily. I've never seen myself nude. I mean, I've been nude, but I never look down.
J.D.: Weird for a doctor, but okay, fine. Look, Lucy, you have to find a way to connect with him.

Alan: I like your perfume.
Lucy: That's weird, because I've never worn perfume in my entire life. Also, I've never seen myself naked. You know, that was part of an earlier conversation.
Alan: Are you okay?
Lucy: I'm not great, Alan. Med school is tough. I don't sleep, and I haven't eaten anything a week except yogurt and wine.
Alan: Maybe you should take a-
Lucy: Alan, I'm not done.

Turk: Denise, everybody knows Drew's hitting you.
Denise: How?
Turk: You guys had sex near the Todd.
[flashback:]
Turk: What? What's going on?
Todd: Someone's doing it right now. In that supply closet.
Turk: Really?
Todd: Socks off, pants on? Still... [he and Turk high-five]
[present:]
Denise: Damn it.
Turk: How come you don't let him take his pants off, though?

Lucy: Man, that was a great cry. I always feel fantastic after those. Hello, world, Lucy's back. Am I right
Alan: Well, you definitely gave me something to work with.
Lucy: Wow. I mean, my forehead's really big and I look Chinese, but that's really good.
Alan: Thank you. I used to teach high-school art.
Lucy: Oh, my God. He's opening up.
Alan: Oh, yeah. Yeah, I was married, too, before everything fell apart. I tell you what, though. I definitely don't want to live this way anymore.
Lucy: Maybe you don't have to.

J.D.: [to Denise] I'm not surprised. You're both dark weirdos. It's like if Fonzie and Jo from The Facts of Life fell in love with each other.
Turk: Oh, I'd watch the hell out of that show.
J.D.: Who wouldn't?