J.D.: [v.o.] In the end, the most important thing to accept is that no matter how alone you feel, how painful it may be with the help of those around you, you'll get through this, too.

J.D.: Let's have the other foot.
Elliot: No! It's just that there's something wrong with my left foot. You guys would think it's disgusting.
J.D.: I'm a doctor. This has been in people.
Turk: I'm a surgeon. I cut people open.
Elliot: Okay, okay. I have a huge bunion.
J.D.: Oh!
Turk: Eurch!
Elliot: Sean's back in a few weeks. What am I supposed to do?
J.D.: Well, I think the obvious answer is to draw Sean's face on it and tell him you grew it because you missed him.
Turk: Or it's a simple surgery.
J.D.: Turk, I think we've already decided on "bunion face".
Elliot: Cut me the hell up.

Carla: Turk? If I keep my last name after we get married, that's no big deal, right?
Turk: No, of course not, Baby. We'll just have one of those modern marriages where the husband and wife don't love each other. [whimpers]

Ben: You know something, you have slept with both of my sisters. So that means that you and I have something in common.
J.D.: [laughs] I have to get going.
Ben: Too weird?
Dr. Cox: Nah.

Dr. Cox: What's weird is it's taken my best friend so long to come and see my son. I mean, you get diagnosed with leukemia and you disappear for two years. What is that about?
Ben: Well, it went into remission and I wanted to see the world for all its splendor and glory.
Dr. Cox: How'd that go for you?
Ben: Eh. Got some good pictures though. Here. Check it out. Here's me at the Great Wall of China. This is me at the Pyramids. And, this... When was this? Oh, yeah! This was you and me eight seconds ago.

Dr. Cox: So, Jordan tells me while you were on your world leukemia tour you neglected to visit a single doctor, medicine man, or scary shaman with the giant saucers in his ears. Psst! Ben, turns out cancer's the kind of ailment that you occasionally wanna check up on.
Ben: Fine, I'll get the exam.
Dr. Cox: I tell you what, I missed the hell out of you. I did.
Ben: Thanks, Perry. You know, I missed you too. [they move into kiss; Dr. Cox pulls away at the last second] Yes, I am the king of gay chicken.

Turk: Okay. Maybe it would be better if you focused on how you're doing this for Sean. I mean, if there was something about me physically that bothered Carla, I would be excited to fix it for her. I mean, it would probably make our relationship even better and more-
Carla: I hate your mole.
Turk: What?
Carla: What?
Turk: Baby, you said it was your tickle button. You made me shave my mustache.
Carla: That was before I knew what was under there.
[fantasy of Carla excitedly watching as Turk shaves his mustache:]
Mole: Oh, damn, a brother finally can breathe! Hello, there.

Mr. Taylor: So, should I be worried about the old ticker?
J.D.: Oh, Mr. Taylor, let me worry about that for you.
J.D.: [v.o.] Oh, my God! He's gonna die!

Dr. Cox: Newbie, perfect timing. I have to run $150 down to the police station because Mr. Jinky, the Juggler who Jordan just has to have for Jack's birthday party just got a DUI. Only me. Long story short, your new job is to take young Ben here by the hand and run every hematological screening test we have.
J.D.: Dr. Cox, I can't. I'm already covering for Doug. He's on a his-and-her spa day with his mom.
Dr. Cox & Ben: What?
J.D.: Don't ask. The point is I'm swamped. And I'm a little worried about Mr. Taylor here. For the life of me, I can't figure out his irregular heartbeat.
Dr. Cox: I already looked at his EKG and, trust me, he's not gonna die in the next 30 minutes. Now, go!

Ben: Hey, J.D., my sister Danni is more of a gentle kisser, don't you think? But I find Jordan is a little bit more along the lines of teeth and tongue-
J.D.: Will you please stop it?
Ben: Fangs.