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My Screw Up

‘My Screw Up’

Season 3, Episode 14 - Aired February 24, 2004

Ahead of Jack's first birthday, Ben (Brendan Fraser) is in town. Dr. Cox is angry that he hasn't seen Ben in two years, and that Ben hasn't seen a doctor since his leukemia went into remission. Carla tells Turk she'll only take his last name if he has his mole removed. Dr. Kelso doggedly tries to avoid listening to his employees' problems. Meanwhile, J.D. is worried about a patient with an irregular heartbeat.

Quote from J.D.

Ben: Look at me, I'm a prickly pear.
J.D.: Can I see that for a second? Thanks. [grunts as he struggles to rip the Polaroid]
Dr. Cox: Not a strong moment for you, Polly.
J.D.: I need to get it started first. [groans]
Dr. Cox: So, you still doing the whole "kooky guy who brings his camera everywhere" thing?
Ben: 'til the day I die.
J.D.: Is this thing made of Teflon?

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Quote from Elliot

Turk: You know, Elliot, you're eventually gonna have to take off your sock.
Elliot: If I do, then from now on whenever you guys look at me, all you're going to think is "giant gross foot". It's like that security guard with the hook for the hand. All anybody thinks when they look at him is "big giant afro".
Carla: I do think that.

Quote from Ted

Ted: [on the phone] You wanna quit? Then quit! But you, sir, are a worthless peon, and you always will be a worthless peon. [hangs up] Sir, you know my band The Worthless Peons? Well, Chris from Shipping and Receiving wants to go solo. We lose him, we lose our sex appeal. He's the only one with hair. What do you think I should do?

Quote from Ted

Ted: Sir, I think I figured out how my problem affects one of your loved ones. It affects me?
Dr. Kelso: Swing and a miss.

Quote from Ted

Ted: Dr. Cox, I'm afraid my band lost a member, so we're not going to be able to perform at your son's party.
Dr. Cox: Ted, now, even though I never asked you to, that is still just terrific news.
Ted: That hurt here and here.

Quote from Dr. Cox

J.D.: Dr. Cox?
Dr. Cox: What's the matter with you there, Shelly? You look like Maybelline just went belly up.
J.D.: Twenty minutes after you left, he went into cardiac arrest. We tried to resuscitate him, but there was nothing we could do. I'm sorry.
Ben: Wow, man. Bummer.
Dr. Cox: This shouldn't have happened.
J.D.: [v.o.] Guilt's a funny thing. It can lead to denial.
Dr. Cox: The kid screwed up.
Ben: No, he didn't. He told you he has too many patients. He's swamped.
Dr. Cox: The kid screwed up.
Ben: OK. Darn kid!

Quote from Dr. Cox

J.D.: [v.o.] As a doctor, you're around death so much, you get used to the guilt and you keep it from affecting your personal relationships.
Ben: Brace yourself.
Dr. Cox: What are you still doing here?
J.D.: I'm on call tonight.
Dr. Cox: Not anymore. I'm taking all your patients.
J.D.: So, wait, you think this was my fault?
Ben: Hey, this is an emotional situation. Now why don't you just go easy on the kid.
Dr. Cox: It was your fault. Now get the hell out.
Ben: Well, that was good. That was good listening.

Quote from Dr. Cox

Ben: So, can we go now?
Dr. Cox: Provided that gets you off my back.
Ben: One more thing.
Dr. Cox: Come on!
[later:]
Ben: You gotta forgive him.
J.D.: [to Dr. Cox] What? They're my Shower Shortz.

Quote from Janitor

Elliot: Thanks again for helping me look for Carla.
Janitor: No problem. I'll check the dumpster.
Elliot: Uh, we're not looking for dead Carla.
Janitor: Attagirl, you stay optimistic.

Quote from Dr. Kelso

J.D.: [v.o.] Acceptance can take a lot of different forms. Whether it's accepting it's OK to show your soft side every once in a while.
Ted: Well, it's official, Chris left the band.
Dr. Kelso: Well, Ted, you know what I think? Good riddance to him. You'll find another tenor.
Ted: Thank you, sir.
Dr. Kelso: And if you don't, who cares? You all stink anyway.

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