[fairy tale:]
Carla: Look, the battle has begun.
Dr. Cox: My name is Percival Cox. You're killing my friend. Prepare to die.

Carla: J.D., you're a parent now, you gotta be better prepared.
Turk: Yeah. That's why we just stocked up on extra baby oil lotion and diapers.
Todd: Why? Is there a party this week-end?
[everyone pauses]
J.D.: [v.o.] Recently we realized that with Todd, if we didn't move and stayed very quiet, he'd eventually get confused and leave.

Dr. Kelso: Attention, dumb-dumbs. Many of you have been disregarding the hospital's 12-hour shift policy. Now, I don't care if you think your patients need you, when your shift is over, I want you to go home to your sad, empty lives. Tired doctors make mistakes, and the hospital is liable. Believe me, you do not want to find yourself in a court of law. Tell them what happens there, Ted.
Ted: Well, we'll all wear long black robes and beautiful white, curly wigs.
Dr. Kelso: That's England, Ted.
Ted: Are you sure?

Dr. Cox: Anyway. Much like one-hit wonder Natalie Imbruglia, I'm torn. You see, on one hand, I'm tempted to side with the Gandhis. You do need to buy Sam some clothes. On the other hand, ever since you two made a baby, you've become an even more annoying two-headed know-it-all.
Turk: Bing, bing.
Carla: You hear that, Perry? That's the sound of your hate bouncing off our love.
Turk: Bing, bing.

J.D.: Your shoelace is untied.
Janitor: Hey, thanks, man. You know how dangerous this is? My uncle's whole family was killed by an untied lace. Christmas morning, they were all running down the stairs, they tripped, and a mad man hacked them all to pieces. I owe you one.
J.D.: Can't wait.

[fairy tale:]
Dr. Cox: The only way to save your fair maiden is to go to the forbidden forest and find the golden ring.
J.D.: The golden ring? Why?
[reality:]
Dr. Cox: Because finding the diagnosis is the only way to help her. Right now you're just treating symptoms that are leading you down the wrong road. You need to go back to the beginning, back to every textbook, every case study you ever read.
[fairy tale:]
Dr. Cox: And most importantly, to find the golden ring, you must ember what you heard when you weren't even listening.
[reality:]
J.D.: "Remember what you heard when you weren't even listening." What the hell does that mean?
Elliot: I don't know, but I can't find anything in here to her kidney malfunction, her lack of clotting, and the internal bleeding. I feel like we're just getting lost deeper in the woods.

Dr. Cox: That's a great diagnosis.
Elliot: What are her chances?
Dr. Cox: We've done all we can. Now she needs a new liver, we just... got to hope she gets one on time.
[fairy tale:]
Dr. Cox: [v.o.] And with the monster gone, all was once again well in Sacred Heartia. The Turla made peace with itself. Beautiful kites were flown. And the knight rode off to fight again. And the idiot and the princess? Well, they decided that their almost-kiss meant nothing. Because in the end, they were both idiots.
Jack: [v.o.] What about the maiden?
Dr. Cox: [v.o.] What do you think, Jack? She lived happily ever after.
[present, reality:]
Dr. Cox: Go to sleep. I love you very much.
Jordan: So?
Dr. Cox: So what?
Jordan: So did the girl make it? Did she get her liver in time? Is that how it really ended?
Dr. Cox: Let's just say, that's the way I'm telling it.

Doug: Hey J.D.! You keep wheeling them in, I keep wheeling them out.
J.D.: Awesome appropriateness, Doug.

Nurse Shirley: Hey, why was your baby boy dress like Caesar, this morning?
J.D.: Oh, I don't have clothes for Sam in my house, so I just cut arm and leg holes in a pillow case. The gold belt was just so he wouldn't feel ridiculous.

Keith: Hey, I'm going to lunch. I took her culture to the lab for you.
Elliot: Thanks, Keith.
Keith: Yeah.
J.D.: Sounds like he's finally over you.
Elliot: No, he's still alternating between angry name calling and whiny pleas to get back together. Although he did agree to be civil while he's inside the hospital. [answers phone] Hello?
Keith: Why won't you love me?! Why don't you-
Elliot: See you tomorrow, Keith.