J.D.: [whispers] How did it go?
Dr. Cox: Everyone's doing well.
J.D.: [v.o.] Though you'd prefer to give him a full body hug, just go with the slight nod. And now, the coup de grace.
J.D.: I got you some film for your camera.
Dr. Cox: Thanks, I guess. Did you pick my son up at daycare?
J.D.: [v.o.] Oh, God, no. "Pick up my son from daycare." Damn it, it fits!
J.D.: Taken care of, Per-Per.
Dr. Cox: That a boy.
J.D.: [v.o.] Luckily, I can walk and text simultaneously.

Dr. Cox: Alright, Newbie, it is time to tell the masses. Do me a favor, try not to tear up.
J.D.: [v.o.] Sometimes, even the best news can be disrupted by a stupid chart.
Carla: Is that Laverne's latest CAT-scan? How does it look?
J.D.: [v.o.] And when that chart has the worst news of all, there's only one thing left to do.
Dr. Cox: Bye, Laverne.
Nurse Roberts: [imaginary] That can't be good.

J.D.: Okay, the fastest way to spread the news is tell the gals in radiology. Because you know how Joanne and Rhonda are, "Bla-bla-bla-bla!", "Oh, there's Dr. Dorian, he's so hot!", "I agree", "No you don't, he's mine." That's Rhonda, by the way. Joanne, horse-face.

Dr. Cox: Now, I just gotta figure out how to stall Jordan.
J.D.: I can help-
Dr. Cox: What, like you helped pick up my son?
J.D.: He got home, didn't he?
[flashback to Jack headbanging to speed metal with Lloyd in his delivery truck]
J.D.: Some say speed metal can be very soothing.

J.D.: Well, since I already know about it, why don't we go in there, make a big show, give her some J.D.'s razzle-dazzle, some jazz hands? That way she'll forget all about how no one's come to congratulate on your arrival little baby Jennifer Dylan.
Dr. Cox: Why that name?
J.D.: I just think is pretty.
Dr. Cox: Ah.
J.D.: [v.o.] And she'd be J.D. forever.

Elliot: Turk, Carla is really having hard time with all this. I think she needs help.
Turk: Ok, let's go. This is gonna suck so, since you are her best friend, you should do all the talking.
Elliot: Turk, you should do it.
Turk: Oh no, I'm just her husband. You guys are way closer.

J.D.: [v.o.] All right, you wanna seal the godfather deal, make Jordan feel like she's the first woman that ever gave birth. Congratulate hard or go home.
J.D.: Y-a-t'il une mère dans la maison? That's French for "Is there a mama in the house?" Wow, do you look hot for all what you just got in! Can you believe it, Per? Are you with me? You are, I know I am! What's that smell? That's the sweet scent of afterbirth. Jordan, I am so happy to be in your life and these are for you.
J.D.: [v.o.] You are in the zone! Now break at home with an emotional voice crack to show the depth of your love!
J.D.: [voice cracks] I am so happy for you.
J.D.: [v.o.] Bravo!
Jordan: When are the people I actually give a crap about showing up?

J.D.: There's one more way I could stall.
[fantasy:]
J.D.: And now, Shadow puppet theatre. Wiff wiff wiff I'm a dog!
Jordan: Lame!
J.D.: Come on. I'm just getting started. Gang! Places! Pearl Harbor, December 7th, 1941. It started as a peaceful day, and then Aggression from the Japanese!
Ted: Ow, it's just totally unexpected!
Ted: I bite you, my friend!
J.D.: Ted, there were no alligators at Pearl Harbor!
Ted: Oh, man. Battleships are so boring!
J.D.: Back to work!
[reality:]
J.D.: We can also do the Battle of Gettysburg, or the first act of Miss Saigon.

Elliot: Oh my, God! It was Jordan, wasn't it?
Dr. Cox: Listen carefully, Barbie. If you mention this to a soul, so help me-
Elliot: Save it. Not even a killer threat coupled with that new psychopathic alien head could keep me from telling the world! Congratulations! Oh, Perry.

J.D.: [v.o.] And there it was. The birth of Dr. Cox's baby would forever be associated with Laverne's death. And the next time Dr. Cox walked into the ICU he'd be greeted by a series of sad faces.
All: [applaud]
Dr. Cox: Thank you, Bob.
Janitor: Attaboy.
Dr. Cox: Janitor.
Carla: Congratulations!
J.D.: I knew before everyone. In your faces! I knew it! Tell 'em, Perry. It was a long saga.
Dr. Cox: So, um, how... How's she doin'?
Turk: She's hangin' on.
Carla: You jerk! Why didn't you tell us?
Dr. Cox: Well, because we all love Laverne very much. And I know this is going to sound selfish and crazy, but I didn't want everyone thinking about her dying every time my daughter has a birthday party. And by everyone, I mean the three of you I would actually invite to such an event. [J.D. celebrates] No!
Carla: A baby is a blessing. Besides, when it's time for something to happen, you've just got to let it happen.
Dr. Cox: And, sometimes it takes a little while to realize that?
Carla: Yeah.