J.D.: [v.o.] In a hospital, you spend most of your time just trying to hold on. Whether it's to your perception of a relationship.
Elliot: Hey, that was fun last night. I'm glad you got my message.
Keith: I didn't get any message.
Elliot: Oh.
Carla: Elliot, if he didn't get your message, that means he called you for sex and you went over and gave it to him.
Turk: You're his booty call now.

J.D.: [v.o.] Or just trying to hold on to the handlebars of your custom bicycle.
Ted: Don't worry, Teddy. He'll turn.
Dr. Kelso: Why'd you leave me, Daddy?!
[When Ted's bike hits Dr. Kelso's car, Ted is flung into the air and lands on the sand pile]
Ted: Whoa!
Janitor: Now we got leverage.

J.D.: [v.o.] Mrs. Wilk didn't have much time, so either Dr. Cox or I had to notify her next of kin. As physicians, we knew just how to decide who should do it. First one to drop tells her.
Dr. Cox: Phew! Pretty strong there, Newbie.
J.D.: [v.o.] I was not. But hopefully, the duct tape I used to connect my prosthetic arms was.
Dr. Cox: Ah!
J.D.: Ow.

Dr. Cox: Oh, why are we still doing this? I've seen people in Mrs. Wilk's shape turn around.
J.D.: She could totally turn it around.
Dr. Hendrick: Denial. Yeah, it's not uncommon for people close to the patient to also go through the five stages of grief.
Dr. Cox: It's not denial. She could rally.
J.D.: Totally rally.
Dr. Hendrick: Oh, yeah. I mean, look at her. She should be in a vitamin commercial.
Dr. Cox: How would you like to be in a broken jaw commercial?
Dr. Hendrick: God help me, I don't care if it does give me cancer, I just love this fake sugar.
Dr. Cox: If he keeps ignoring my threats, I'm gonna have to hit him.
J.D.: The good news is, it looks like he has a soft face.

Elliot: So I was Keith's booty call last night, whatever. It'll blow over.
Carla: That's not good enough, Elliot. By letting Keith get the upper hand, you've given Turk ideas. Look at him.
Turk: Baby, I know you hate my cool walking stick, but I got to be my own man. It's catching on. Yeah.

Dr. Kelso: Hey! There's my guy. Listen, I just came up to apologize for that little fender-bender out there. So would two floor seats to the WNBA All-Star Game just make all this ago away?
Ted: Absolutely!
Janitor: Uh, Ted is gonna be wanting more than that, I'm afraid.
Ted: I am? I am!

J.D.: [v.o.] Dr. Cox and I decided to give Hedrick a piece of our mind. Unfortunately, I had lost front-seat privileges.
J.D.: Yep, you're right. Still a little sticky. Not yet ready for passengers.

Dr. Cox: All right, Lester, we're having this out right here, right now! Oh, for the love of God! What's this, some pansy "get in touch with my feelings because my mommy didn't love me" group?
J.D.: Yeah, is that what it is?!
Dr. Hendrick: Actually, this is a support group for the terminally ill.
J.D.: Oh, we should probably go.
Dr. Hendrick: No, no. Please, continue.
Dr. Cox: Stop bugging us. I find your particular brand of psychobablry about as useful and about as effective as fairy dust.
Woman: He's actually helped me quite a lot.
Dr. Cox: Oh. Good.

Dr. Cox: Ah, you know what? To hell with you, Hedrick!
Dr. Hendrick: Group, can you tell me what stage of grief Dr. Cox here is going through?
All: Anger.
Dr. Hendrick: Anger, yes.
Dr. Cox: You don't want to see me angry!
J.D.: Nor do you want to see I angry.
[fantasy: J.D. grabs Dr. Hendrick's pencil and bites the eraser off:]
J.D.: You better hope you don't make any mistakes. [he and Dr. Cox high-five]
[reality:]
J.D.: It's awful.

Turk: Uh Carla's down there telling Elliot to ignore you so she can regain the power.
Keith: I don't really care.
Turk: Well, you know, this isn't about you, Keith. This is about men everywhere who have been abused and bullied by women. It's about me. Now when they walk by, you call her a different name.
Keith: I won't do it.