J.D.: [v.o.] Oh, God, this is painful. It's like watching a shark circle a baby harp seal.
Dr. Kelso: Dr. Reid faced a very difficult decision and she chose an extremely risky course.
J.D.: [v.o.] He's like a royal python torturing a hopper mouse. Man, I love Animal Planet.
Dr. Kelso: I believe we all have a lesson to learn from Dr. Reid's case.
J.D.: [v.o.] And here comes the crushing blow.
Dr. Kelso: I say kudos to Dr. Reid.
J.D.: What-os to who?
Dr. Kelso: Without surgery, her patient didn't have a Popsicle's chance in hell. By making the tough choice, she at least gave Mrs. Kahn an honest shot. And now, for all of you wait-and-see doctors out there...
[fantasy: J.D. is alone in the seats:]
Dr. Kelso: If you do not get to the point where you have the courage to take risks, you will never be a great doctor.
J.D.: Never?
Dr. Kelso: Never ever.

J.D.: Oh, please. I lived for danger.
[home video: a young J.D. wearing a helmet in the garden:]
Young J.D.: Who's ready for some Frisbee? [hit in the head] Get my mom! Get my mom!
[present:]
J.D.: I had four different helmets.

J.D.: [v.o.] Even though she was way out of my league, I decided to show some guts and lay down the smoothest rap I knew.
J.D.: Hey.
Julie: Hi, handsome. I'm Julie.
J.D.: Were you named after a precious jewelie?
Julie: You are cute. Would you like a pen?
J.D.: No. I'd love one.

Dr. Cox: My God, you'd be more subtle if you stood naked in the hallway eating a ten-inch kielbasa.
Julie: That hurts, Perry.
Dr. Cox: Let's go.
Julie: But I gotta say, I don't mind watching you two boys walk away. Oh yeah! Work it.
J.D.: She's talking about our tushies. I say, we go back, but we walk backwards.

Carla: Why would you get me a present?
Turk: Why does it need to be a birthday or anniversary for me to get my baby a little something-something?
Carla: Plus you figured you'd get yourself a little at-work something-something.
Turk: I'll get the door.

J.D.: Hey, what's up?
Elliot: Mrs. Kahn died on the operating table.
J.D.: [v.o.] There a lot of things can take you by surprise. Sometimes it's just realizing that you're not as happy as you thought. Sometimes it's a hot chick smacking her tushie. And sometimes it's when you take a chance and lose.
Elliot: This just sucks, you know?
J.D.: [v.o.] This is a crucial moment. Pick your words carefully.
J.D.: I guess I was right after all.

Turk: Baby, I know you had a rough day, and I was part of it. I thought I'd make it up to you by taking you out to a nice dinner.
Todd: Which one of these waitresses do you think will do me?
Dr. Cox: I'd say you got an outside shot with the busboy over there.
Carla: You realize this doesn't count, right?
Turk: Yeah, but, baby... Free steak!
Dr. Cox: You just flat out get women, don't you?

Julie: Hello, boys and girl. So, how's the food?
Turk: Mmm. Free.
Julie: And how are you, Dr. Cox?
Dr. Cox: Look, I'm just here to enjoy my meal, so unless those things dispense A1 Sauce, I'd keep moving.

Carla: Turk, don't eat off my plate.
Turk: You're right, baby. I'm sorry. That's rude. [takes the steak]
Carla: So you're having steak with a side of steak?
Turk: That's right, turf and turf.

Carla: You know what? I'm on my second glass of good wine, I'm watching my boyfriend try to eat his body weight in meat, and I am extremely tickled that the only thing Dr. Cox wants isn't on the menu.
Dr. Cox: What?
Carla: What can I say? I'm finally having a good time.
Dr. Cox: That'll pass.