Carla: Wow. A bus pass. Help me get off my bra.
Turk: That's not all. You'll use that bus pass for an all-expense paid trip to nurse practitioners' school, where you'll learn how to be more than just a nurse.
Carla: "Just a nurse?"
Turk: Did I say "just a nurse?" I meant a nurse. Honey, you were complaining about having to ask Dr. Wilder for permission just to feed a patient. And this way you'll have more responsibility, plus you'll make more money, - so I thought-
Carla: You thought that the only reason I've done my job for the last eight years is because someone didn't come along to hand me a brochure?
Turk: And a bus pass.
Carla: You're unbelievable.

Dr. Cox: How's meathead?
Carla: I know I'm not a doctor, but if you could order a strong anti-emetic, that'd be great.
Dr. Cox: For the record, you would ace that nurse practitioners program.
Carla: Really? You think so? What if the classes are too hard? What if the teachers are mean? What if the other kids don't like me?
Dr. Cox: OK.
Carla: Of course I would ace that program, but I barely get to see my boyfriend as it is. And if I went to class five nights a week, well I guess I'm taking my chances on Turk right now.
Dr. Cox: Him?
Turk: Somebody make it stop.
Carla: I just don't want to look back and wonder what could have been, you know?

J.D.: I mean, the kid thinks he's Evil Knievel.
Dr. Cox: Oh, gosh, Martha, I'd love to attend your safety camp this summer, I would, but here my parents are making me go to Maine with them. So what do you say you make sure you take a lot of pictures. So that when you get back, we can both sit down and make our "friends forever" collage. Come on, now. The kid's 16 years old. He's a little busted up. It's not that big a big deal. I mean, hell, when you were a kid, you must have cut your hand on your dollhouse.

J.D.: Hey, Elliot, I'm sorry that I was such a jerk before, but, hey, I got mine, right? Anyway, thanks for being classier than I am and not rubbing it in my face.
Elliot: No problem. Hey, you never told me that you're part Native American.
J.D.: What are you talking about?
Elliot: Aren't you a member of the Waitensee tribe? Come on! I laughed so hard when I thought of that that I peed a little. [to the patient] I changed right after.

J.D.: [v.o.] As a doctor, you learn to use anything you can to keep a patient from getting hurt again.
J.D.: So, Mike, before we get you out of here, I think it's important we go over this one more time.
J.D.: [v.o.] Even their own home video.
J.D.: See, right about here is where you get hurt. [laughs] See, here you're not hurt. And then. Oh, good God! Hurt again. Not hurt, hurt. Baritone. Soprano. Married with two kids. Dying old-
Mike: Look, I get it, OK?
J.D.: OK. OK, Mike. That's all that matters. Victor. Victoria.

J.D.: Damn.
Turk: Damn.
Carla: Damn. What? She's hot.
J.D.: No, that's hot.
Turk: Baby, you know that fantasy I have of you, me, and a player to be named later?
Carla: Yeah, I'm fine. If it was someone like her, I'd go for it.
Turk: You are the best thing that has ever happened to me.
Elliot: I can't believe that you said that.
Carla: Oh, what? It's not like he's actually gonna do anything about it.
[Turk talks to Julie, who then waves at Carla:]
Turk: Hey, baby.
J.D.: Yeah, you can't ever give a guy that window.

Dr. Cox: Well, well. If it isn't the Captain & Tenille of the underworld.

Elliot: J.D., even though I decided to send Mrs. Kahn to surgery, I know that you were just trying to help me in your own sucky way and I overreacted. And that is something I've been working on in therapy to not do as much.
J.D.: I still think you should have gone with my wait-and-see approach.
Elliot: Well, you're not the boss of me!

J.D.: I'm not the boss of anyone around here.
Janitor: Permission to use the can, boss?
J.D.: Enough already. I'm not doing this. [Janitor does an awkward dance] Fine. Permission granted.

J.D.: [v.o.] I had to talk to Elliot before she went into the morbidity and mortality conference. Because nothing puts you in a worse mood than having to explain why your patient died. I just need an opportunity to talk to her when there's no possible way that she can interrupt me. Peanut-butter cracker! Go! Go! Go!
J.D.: Elliot, hey. What I said earlier came out completely the wrong way and I just want you to know that I act-
Elliot: [spits out cracker] Bite me.
J.D.: Oh, she's a crafty lass.