Dr. Cox: Well, you have done it. It's Friday night, and instead of being at home, drinking whiskey through my son's sippy cup, I'm actually at a carnival with you, surrounded by piles of manure even though I've yet to see a single animal!
J.D.: That is weird.

Janitor: [over P.A.] Dr. Tushy, you're needed in the OR. Nice name, buddy. Beat up in high school much?

Dr. Cox: You know, Danni, I think it's amazing that you're actually comfortable dating J.D., what with him having nailed Jordan and all.
Man: [over P.A.] Uh, sorry, folks. A little problem here. Get you down in about an hour or so.
J.D.: I don't feel so good.

J.D.: [v.o.] Sometimes the best thing to do is just to say exactly what's in your heart.
J.D.: I'm sorry I puked on your shoes.
Danni: I'm sorry I wore sandals.
J.D.: And, Danni, that whole thing with Jordan it's so long ago, I don't even remember it.
Danni: J.D., you keep a sex journal of all your experiences under your bed.
J.D.: Gotta stop showing that to new girlfriends!
Danni: Look, you shoulda told me. But I'm not gonna let things like this mess it up with the guy I'm falling in love with.
J.D.: Oh, thank God! Do you wanna get some pineapple pizza?
Danni: I think I'll probably just go inside and wash my feet.
J.D.: That's robot for "Goodnight." "Peace!" Heh.

Turk: All right, people, listen up: Dr. Kelso has ruptured both his eardrums. You can say whatever you want to him as long as you got a smile on your face! Holla!
Dr. Cox: Bob, you stupid motherf-
Dr. Kelso: Thanks for the kind words, gang!

Elliot: Carla, look, I just wanted to apologize.
Carla: I'm so glad. I didn't want us to stay mad at each other.
Elliot: It's all my fault. I should never have listened to you in the first place. I mean, I need to be a strong enough doctor to just ignore you when you won't shut up.
Carla: That's so sweet.
Janitor: [over P.A.] All available medical personnel, please report to the second floor for a cat fight. Cat fight on the second floor!
Todd: [purrs]

Dr. Cox: Well, we sent some haz-mat guys over to your apartment, but they said there were no signs of pesticides.
J.D.: They also said you mixed art deco with Indonesian antiques. I think that is so daring!
Jill Tracy: Aw.
Dr. Cox: Reel it in, Queer Eye.
Jill Tracy: Thanks, guys. Honestly, I can't remember the last time anyone was this nice to me.
J.D.: Well, you know. We gotta go.

J.D.: [reading] Dear Dr. Cox, I think it's important that you know how much I care for Danni, and how hurt I was by your attempt to sabotage our relationship.
Dr. Cox: Oh, de-de-de- isn't it enough that I'm reading it!?

Jill Tracy: Always fun to be in the bathroom listening to people talk so clearly, you're sure they just heard you pee. You did, didn't you?
J.D.: You start and stop a lot.
Dr. Cox: Lovely. Here. Uh, actually there's great news, uh, Ms. Tracy: We're sending you home. Although, I sure wish we could have figured out how that stuff got introduced into your system to begin with. But sometimes in medicine you have to just chalk it up to life's great mysteries, like crop circles or this gal's Adam's apple.
J.D.: I'm a girl, that's original.
Jill Tracy: Hey, you guys, I just want to say, if I don't see you again, thanks and take care.
Dr. Cox: You be well, darlin'. I'll see you next time.
J.D.: Wanna hear a great letter?
Jill Tracy: No.

J.D.: Hey, everybody. This place has dynamite lamb.
Danni: What are you doing here?
Dr. Cox: I called him. Lookit, after shooting my mouth off the other night I've been feeling a lot of... Well...
Jordan: Guilt.
Dr. Cox: No. Not that.
J.D.: Guilt?
Dr. Cox: Yes, that.
Jordan: Ugh.
Dr. Cox: II don't like her to be right.