Jordan: Sweetie, you can't take this personally. He's a doctor. They don't listen to anyone.
Dr. Cox: Please don't lump us all together with numb-nuts over here.
Jordan: Oh, really? This morning I asked you to do me a favor involving my mother. What was it?
Dr. Cox: Well, I can only hope that it had something to do with hiring people to kill her?
Jordan: Oh, come on. You know what? I hope you guys listen better to your patients.
J.D.: [v.o.] And for some reason, right then, we both knew how those pesticides had gotten in our patient's system.

J.D.: [v.o.] I guess the problem with only listening to a patient for fifteen seconds is, sometimes you don't hear everything and when you finally realize what they were trying to say, you might've lost them forever.
J.D.: Ms. Tracy.
Jill Tracy: Hey, guys!
J.D.: We need to talk.
Jill Tracy: About what?
Dr. Cox: How have things been going lately?
Jill Tracy: Okay? Why, uh- Ah. Actually it has, uh, been a couple of rough months.
Dr. Cox: Come on, Jill. Come on.
J.D.: [v.o.] You can never underestimate the importance of listening.

J.D.: [v.o.] Even though Dr. Cox got a front-row look at Little Buddy - O, no! Now I'm saying it! - my day still started off great.
Dr. Cox: I'm about to set a new distance record for projectile vomiting.
Jordan: Come on. It reminds me of my sexiest kiss: Our honeymoon, standing waist-deep in the ocean. I think you were in at the bar.
Dr. Cox: Okay, gotta go.

J.D.: You know, I hit my head so hard I actually saw cartoon birds. Then I realized I was in Pediatrics and it was just the wallpaper!
Dr. Cox: Ha. Stunning.

Dr. Cox: What brings Ms. Tracy to us?
J.D.: Oh, uh, her landlord found her passed out on her floor.
Jill Tracy: Yeah, lucky me, I couldn't pay my rent this month.
J.D.: [v.o.] A recent study found that doctors spend an average of fifteen seconds listening to a patient. It sounds insensitive, but the truth is it's all the time you need.
Dr. Cox: So, how you feel?
Jill Tracy: Awesome!
Dr. Cox: Ms. Tracy.
Jill Tracy: Headachy, nauseous, and embarrassed that my landlord saw me in my granny panties.
Dr. Cox: Oh, dear. We're gonna run some tests and figure this out.
Jill Tracy: I'll be here.

Dr. Cox: Boy, oh boy, that's some rock. When, uh, when's the big day?
Jill Tracy: Oh, me? No, no, never. My fiance dumped me. I'm just noticing how beautiful his mother's ring is. You know, compared to the fake one I sent back to him. Oops!
J.D.: Ms. Tracy, we found some organophosphates in your system. Have you had any recent exposure to pesticides?
Jill Tracy: Pesticides? No, I don't have any pest problems.
Dr. Cox: Oh, God, that must be so nice.
J.D.: They're just feelings, they'll heal.
Dr. Cox: Don't worry. We're on top of this.
Jill Tracy: Oh... Bye.

Todd: Dude, my broccoli is hot.
Turk: Please tell me you mean temperature-wise because there is no way you can find broccoli sexy.
Todd: Oh, yeah. Temperature-wise. And mini green boobs-wise! What's up!

Janitor: Hey, Dr. Kelso. Hey, Dr. Kelso. Uh, I don't know if you heard or not, but Bernice, the lady who does the PA announcements usually, she just got hit by a bus. And, um, I was on the speech team in high school so, anyway, I was thinking that maybe from now on, I could do the announcements. You know, just until Bernice gets back on her foot.
Dr. Kelso: Splendid!

J.D.: [v.o.] Dr. Cox seems to be having fun but I think I know why.
[fantasy: Dr. Cox is playing a Whack-a-mole game with J.D.'s head as the target:]
Dr. Cox: Whack a Newbie! Whack a Newbie! Whack a Newbie!

Jordan: So, we're gonna go eat some more disgusting fried food and then look at the fat lady to make ourselves feel better.