J.D.: She wants to get married now?
Turk: She says it's romantic to be spontaneous.
J.D.: Wow, that is romantic. So how pregnant is she?

Turk: Man, I was getting really psyched for this whole wedding. The dancing, the band. You would have hook up with Carla's sister.
J.D.: Which one?
Turk: The drunkest one.
J.D.: Nice.
Turk: Now there's no bachelor party, and you being the best man, I know you would've hooked it up.
[fantasy: Fred Berry teaches J.D., Turk and a bunch of men the Rerun dance:]
Fred Berry: All right, guys, let's make it happen.
[reality:]
Turk: Dude.
J.D.: It would've been awesome.

Turk: I'm just having a hard time getting excited about all of this.
[cut to:]
Chaplain: Well, you work here so I guess we could do the whole ceremony for 40 bucks.
Turk: Praise Jesus!

J.D.: [v.o.] As for my relationship, I was doing anything I could to keep the drama alive.
[montage:]
J.D.: [on the phone] Look, Jamie and I are gonna be together, and I don't care what you think, Mom.
J.D.: Because I don't want salad, that's why.
J.D.: [on the phone] Look, Jamie and I will be together and I don't care what you think, Dad.
[at a bar:]
J.D.: I'm warning you, stop eyeballing my woman.
Jamie: Actually, J.D., I think it was that guy.
J.D.: No, it was definitely that guy.

Elliot: Hey, Jamie.
Jamie: Hey, slut.
[later:]
J.D.: I can totally explain why Jamie said that. You know Turk always says, "Hey, player," when he means, "Hey, buddy."
Elliot: Yeah.
J.D.: Well, Jamie's from Cincinnati and in Cincinnati they say "Hey, slut."
Elliot: Oh, neat.

Carla: Turk, are you sure you're happy we're doing this?
Turk: Are you kidding? It's my ideal wedding. It's cheap, there's no hassle, plus you said you'd call my mom and explain to her why she wasn't invited.
Carla: No, I didn't. What's in it for me?
Turk: This.
Carla: My God! Give me the phone. I'll call her right now. [Turk takes his cell phone out] You are such a mama's boy.
Turk: Please. [to phone] Dial Mommy.

Carla: Hey, Elliot.
Elliot: Hey, slut!
Carla: Excuse me?
J.D.: [clears throat] Carla! uh, could you give us a second? I got to talk to her privately. Thank you.

Dr. Cox: OK, here we go. When hospital employees fail to communicate with patients, there are both ethical and legal ramifications that can lead to financial hardship for the institution and grievances against its doctors.
Elliot: Dr. Cox, this is useless. I thought we were going to really learn something.
Dr. Cox: Barbie? Why did they toss you in here?
Elliot: Oh, they didn't. I'm auditing.

J.D.: Look, I'm sorry, OK, for so many things. But I'm a doctor. I can't really wear shorts to work.
Janitor: You can't wear shorts to work?
J.D.: Nope.
Janitor: You can't wear shorts to work?
J.D.: Not allowed.
[later, at a bar:]
Jamie: Thanks. What's up with the man-thong?
J.D.: Oh, nothing, I'm just trying to mend some fences.

Carla: Are you ready, sweetie?
Turk: Since the day I met you.
J.D.: [v.o.] Sometimes it takes a priest to keep you from making a big mistake.
Chaplain: Now, Christopher, before we begin, remind me of the bride's name.
Turk: Carla.
[flashback:]
Carla: I know it's silly and I know it's only for one day, but ever since I was a little girl, all I wanted to do was have a big, beautiful wedding.
[present:]
Turk: Baby, you don't wanna do this.
Carla: What?
Turk: Look, since your mother passed, you've been feeling lonely and like you don't have any family. But I'm your family now, whether we do it like this or we wait and do it like you've always wanted to, don't you think?