Carla: Baby, check this out. Dr. Kelso just offered me Glenda's old job as administrative supervisor.
Turk: [indifferent] Oh, that's great, sweetie.
Carla: The job pays an extra seven thousand dollars a year.
Turk: [excited] My baby's an administrative supervisor! Let's celebrate! Whatever you want.
Carla: Oh, let's go shopping for a new duvet cover.
Turk: Oh, I'd love to. But my diabetes is acting up.

Dan: [singing, badly] She's gone! She's gone! Oh, why? Oh, why. Better learn how to f-face it. She's gone, she's gone! Oh, why! Oh, why! What went wrong?!
J.D.: Don't you think you're overreacting?
Dan: [talking] No, J.D., I don't. Because Elliot was the best thing that ever happened to me and now she's gone. [singing] Ah, she's gone! She's gone. She's gone! She's gone she's gone.
J.D.: That's not even the right gibberish.

Dan: You know what, J.D.? Elliot and I were supposed to have a big romantic evening together, and look at all this stuff I bought. Candles. Champagne. A Dido CD. I guess I'll just throw these things out with rest of the garbage.
J.D.: Oh, come on, don't go. We can watch Kangaroo Jack and chug a Foster's every time they say "g'day".
Dan: G'day, J.D.
J.D.: Dan.
Dan: [Australian accent] I said g'day!

J.D.: Look, you know how I told you I was upset about you and Dan? Is that champagne?
Elliot: Yeah. Yeah, I was celebrating my new jammies.
J.D.: I love champagne. You mind if I have a little? Thank you. A nipper. Ah, tingly. It's a tingly drink. Ooh, pretty candles! Anyhoo, I know you broke up with Dan because you thought I was upset, but in reality, I uh... I... [singing] "I want to thank you! For giving me the best day of my life" I love this song, who is it?
Elliot: Dido. And you've really got to meet my brother Barry.
J.D.: Dido? ... Dan!
Dan: Hey, little brother. [drinks] Tingles.

Turk: Carla, we have to talk.
Carla: Is it your blood sugar again? I'll get you something. [takes Ted's ice cream sandwich]
Turk: Baby, I feel fine. It's just that I kinda been using my diabetes to get you to, you know, hook me up with sandwiches and whatnot.
Carla: I can't believe you! [bins Ted's ice cream sandwich]
Ted: Oh, man. I brought that from home.

Turk: Look, baby, before you get freaked out, I fixed it already. Look.
Dr. Kelso: Nurse Turkleton, I wanted to offer you that job once more.
Carla: I don't want it.
Dr. Kelso: Great! [to Turk] See you Saturday, Batman.
Turk: Baby, what the hell?!
Carla: Maybe I decided right away that I didn't want that job because I'd miss working with patients but I didn't tell you because you were excited about the money, so I used your diabetes as an excuse. I don't know. I don't really remember.

Dr. Cox: You see, Bob, it didn't even faze her.
Dr. Kelso: Patience, Perry. With a tough one like her, you have to wait for it. Here it comes. And we've broken her! There sits a dejected a woman, all alone, wounded, vulnerable...
Dr. Cox: Crying.
Dr. Kelso: She's ruining it for me.
Dr. Cox: Lady, stop cryin'!

Elliot: J.D., Dan and I both know this is just a fling. Still, I feel like the worst person in the whole world. Please, can you forgive me?
J.D.: Elliot, I came here to tell you I was never actually mad at you.
Elliot: How could you not be mad that I was hooking up with your brother?
J.D.: I don't know. I just wasn't. How could you hook up with my brother without considering my feelings?
Elliot: I don't know. I I just didn't.
J.D.: [v.o.] That's when I realized that Elliot and I had absolutely no romantic feeling for each other anymore. No matter what the situation. It was a little sad, but, who knows? Maybe it meant we could be friends again.

Dan: Hey, I can't find my Dido CD.
J.D.: [whispers] If my heart could write songs, they'd sound like these.

J.D.: [v.o.] I think relationships are inherently fragile. They can be strengthened by a shared excuse.
Carla: [on the phone] Turk, we just got invited to Linda's Jack & Jill bridal shower. Do you mind if I use your diabetes to get out of it?
Turk: Of course not, baby.