Dr. Cox: What are you looking at?
Turk: I just I like your shirt. What kind of shirt is that?
Dr. Cox: A white T-shirt.
J.D.: I knew it. [chuckes]

Turk: Does your mother invite the priest over every day?
Carla: Only when she finds me in bed with some guy. So, yeah, most days.
Turk: That's not funny, okay? That's not funny.

Elliot: Why doesn't anyone listen to me?
Turk: In a better place, look different, feel good. That's what happens when you see a shrink.
Elliot: My patient is a therapist. I'm not seeing a shrink.
Turk: Okay.
Elliot: And I would appreciate it if you would stop spreading around embarrassing rumors like that.
Turk: Whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm just goofing around. Beside, the last thing I would want to do is upset a crazy lady.

J.D.: Ms. Sullivan? Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realise you're in the bathroom.
Jordan: [o.s.] It's OK, come on in. I mean, come in the room, not in here. What's the matter with you? Are you even a real doctor?

Turk: I know it's tough leaving your mother at home. I'm really glad you're here.
Carla: You are?
Turk: Yes, I am. And I promise I'm going to make it worth your while.
Carla: Oh, baby. We've already slept together. You should be careful about the build-up.
Turk: Is that necessary?
Carla: Yeah.

Elliot: [on the phone] I don't know, Mom, I'm just feeling lost. Everyone here is so busy, and I guess I'm just kind of lonely. Mom, could you just try to hear what I'm saying? Just this once? No, I don't have short hair. Yes, I know short hair gives me pig-face.

J.D.: Dr. Cox!
Dr. Cox: OK, Linus, you're way too excited. I want you to get your blankie, go in a corner, and take a time-out.

Carla: I can't believe she's sleeping.
Dr. Cox: I had the internet give her two Valium.
Carla: Why, was she in a lot of pain?
Dr. Cox: No, she just wouldn't shut up.
Carla: [laughs] I'm sorry.

Dr. Cox: Listen, I notice your little boyfriend's name's not on the cast.
Carla: Are you kidding, making me leave her alone like that?
Dr. Cox: Do you understand she would have gotten hurt, whether you were there or not.
Carla: Nuh-uh.
Dr. Cox: She fell in the shower. So unless you two have an extremely disturbing relationship, I'm afraid you're full of crap.

Turk: You know, I went to therapy once.
Elliot: You did?
Turk: Yeah. Once though, like, back in '93 to '94. Then a few months in '95. And then I went to group, which was a disaster. Okay, when I went to college it was my first time away from home, and so things started piling up and I felt I was sinking, you know?
Elliot: Yeah, I do.
Turk: And no matter how embarrassing you think it might be, it's always helpful to talk to someone neutral. For example, take a look at me. I am now, thanks to therapy, in a healthy relationship with a beautiful woman, who won't sleep over because she thinks I broke her mother's leg.