‘My Advice to You’
Season 3, Episode 6 - Aired November 13, 2003
When Carla's brother, Marco, comes to visit, a language barrier doesn't stop him from showing his disdain for Turk. Dr. Kelso tells the residents they need to spend more time with each patient, but Dr. Cox would rather they focus on a patient they might actually save. Meanwhile, J.D. meets a woman, Danni (guest star Tara Reid), at the hospital, but he's still hung up on Elliot.
Quote from J.D.
Danni: How's the whole moving on thing going?
J.D.: It's going great, Danni. In opposite world.
Danni: Well, I just wanted to say goodbye. I was gonna stick around for a few more days, but I don't really feel like that there's a reason to. Is there?
J.D.: Probably not.
Danni: I'm gonna miss you.
J.D.: I'm gonna miss you, too.
Danni: Dude, we just met, I was kidding.
J.D.: Oh, that was good! No. No, I was doing the same thing!
Danni: Adios.
J.D.: Drive safe.
Quote from Elliot
Dr. Cox: Hey, Barbie. How's about you sashay on over here, push those rock & roll bangs out of your face, and keep those peepers on Miss Bartow's hemodynamics!
Elliot: Oh, first I've gotta discharge Mr. Hale, then get a stat C.T. on Mrs. Peterson, and then, to be perfectly frank, perform a thong extrication on Ms. Reid.
Doug: Hey, your last name is Reid!
Elliot: Doug. I have underwear in my butt. After that, though, I'll totally swing back by here.
Quote from Turk
Marco: Hey, jackass.
Turk: Hello, Marc. I'm guessing Carla's not around.
Marco: She's in the bathroom, [Spanish: "brushing her teeth."]
Turk: Hey, baby. Gimme some of that minty breath.
Carla: No, not in front of my brother. That stuff always makes him uncomfortable.
Turk: Oh, really? I just wanted to apologize for the way I've been acting by loving you up and down, and all around.
Carla: Turk!
Turk: Baby, he can't understand you. Now let's go put some more of your footprints on the ceiling.
Marco: That's it, you son of a bitch!
Turk: I told ya!
[Marco punches Turk in the face]
Quote from J.D.
J.D.: So black people can get black eyes, too, huh? Who knew?
Turk: I haven't had one this bad since your Nana Hobbs threw that rock at me.
J.D.: She thought you were robbing the house.
Quote from Carla
Carla: [Spanish: "So when I was a senior in high school, you heard me talking to my friends in English about going on the pill?"]
Marco: [Spanish: "No, I just learned English a few years ago."]
Carla: [Spanish: "Well, good, because I wasn't on the pill, and I'm not now. I've never had sex. I hope it's fun. Why didn't you tell me?"]
Marco: [Spanish: "I don't know. Mom died, and now you're getting married. You and I have always had a special connection. I guess I just didn't want to lose that."]
Turk: Blah, blah, blah, blah.
Carla: Sorry, sweetie.
Marco: [clears throat] Sorry, sweetie.
Quote from J.D.
Danni: I'm having dinner with my sister tonight, but I swear I'm leaving after that.
J.D.: Don't. Stay here with me, we'll get that cup of coffee.
Danni: I'm not gonna stick around for one cup of coffee.
J.D.: Okay, two cups and some pie.
J.D.: [v.o.] Finally, I found a girl with no complications.
Jordan: Oh, I see you've met my sister!
J.D.: [v.o.] Oh, come on.