J.D.: I can't believe you're ready to have kids. We spend all day taking care of old people. Washing them. Cleaning them. Why would you want to bring that home?
Turk: J.D., we're talking about kids, not going home to a house full of old folks.
[fantasy: J.D.'s apartment is filled with old folks when he returns home:]
J.D.: All right, fellas. Two quick announcements. First of all, whoever's been filling my TiVo with JAG reruns, let's cut it out. And secondly, Harvey, no matter how drunk you get, I like to sleep alone.
Harvey: I like to snuggle.
J.D.: Well, that's your problem, buddy. I got my own thing.

[sitcom fantasy:]
J.D.: [v.o.] J.D.'s sitcom fantasy is filmed in front of a live studio audience.
Mr. James: It's weird. There's just so many things I never got to do in my life, like go to a carnival or take a ride in a hot-air balloon.
Elliot: We can do all that. We are gonna give you the best day ever.
J.D.: Elliot, a word? A hot-air balloon seems kind of dangerous. I mean, he could get hurt.
Elliot: What's he gonna do, bruise one of his giant malignant tumors?
J.D.: Safety is always important, Elliot.
Elliot: Oh, my god. You're afraid of balloon rides, aren't you?
J.D.: It's floating wicker propelled by fire!

Dr. Kelso: Shake this place up. And for God's sakes, get Murphy out of here.
Carla: Don't worry, Doug, you're a good doctor.
Doug: I know! [hits Carla with charged defib paddles]
[Elliot and J.D. place a medical waste sack over Doug]
Doug: [muffled] Hey, what are you guys going?
Dr. Kelso: Hurry!
Doug: You guys Guys?
[Elliot and J.D. swing the sack back and forth and send it crashing out the window. It lands in front of the Janitor outside the hospital.]
Doug: My leg!
[The Janitor drags the bag away. Later, Doug is framed on his mantelpiece between other taxidermy]
Doug: How long do I have to stay up here?
Janitor: Just until I finish pretending to read the newspaper. Hm! Apparently there was some sort of election held recently.
[reality:]
J.D.: Or we could just ask him to leave.
[Carla stands up after being shocked]
Carla: Come on, Doug. Let's go get some coffee.

[fantasy: J.D. playing Connect-Four with the grim reaper:]
Grim Reaper: I win.
J.D.: Where? I don't see.
Grim Reaper: Here, diagonally.
J.D.: Pretty sneaky, Death.

Dr. Kelso: You put her on diuretics?
J.D.: Yeah, I ordered them.
Dr. Kelso: These labs don't look good. I think it's time she got started on dialysis. Oh, but you know what you should do first, kiddo?
J.D.: What's that?
Dr. Cox: Find her.
[fantasy: a siren wails as a security guard and a dog scour a perimiter fence. Mrs. Tanner emerges from a hole in the ground on the other side of the fence. She unfolds her walker and climbs out.]
Mrs. Tanner: Freedom!