J.D. Quote #754
Quote from J.D. in My Malpractice Decision
Dr. Kelso: Shake this place up. And for God's sakes, get Murphy out of here.
Carla: Don't worry, Doug, you're a good doctor.
Doug: I know! [hits Carla with charged defib paddles]
[Elliot and J.D. place a medical waste sack over Doug]
Doug: [muffled] Hey, what are you guys going?
Dr. Kelso: Hurry!
Doug: You guys Guys?
[Elliot and J.D. swing the sack back and forth and send it crashing out the window. It lands in front of the Janitor outside the hospital.]
Doug: My leg!
[The Janitor drags the bag away. Later, Doug is framed on his mantelpiece between other taxidermy]
Doug: How long do I have to stay up here?
Janitor: Just until I finish pretending to read the newspaper. Hm! Apparently there was some sort of election held recently.
[reality:]
J.D.: Or we could just ask him to leave.
[Carla stands up after being shocked]
Carla: Come on, Doug. Let's go get some coffee.
Features in the collection: J.D.'s Best Fantasies.
Scrubs Quotes
‘J.D.'s Best Fantasies’
Quote from J.D. in My Quarantine
Kylie: So, uh, what's wrong with this guy?
J.D.: Well, let's see. Fatigue, fever, malaise. Have you been to Hong Kong, sir?
Man: Yeah.
J.D.: [v.o.] And then I said something stupid.
J.D.: Could be SARS.
J.D.: [v.o.] I forgot that if any doctor suspects SARS, it's cause for immediate quarantine lockdown.
[fantasy: Indiana Jones theme plays as sirens blare and doors shutter across the I.C.U. Jordan, now wearing a fedora, dives under the shutter as it closes]
Dr. Cox: What have you done, Newbie?
Danni: [holding a flask] Quarantinis, anyone?
Quote from J.D. in My Words of Wisdom
J.D.: [v.o.] As for me, I couldn't help but imagine what my own funeral would be like.
[fantasy:]
Choir: [singing] My girl wants to party all the time Party all the time
Minister: Yeah! And as you know, J.D. only had two requests. And that is that the choir sing the song that would remind us of how much he loved to party and that he could get one last hug from each of you.
[J.D.'s casket is stood vertically and his arms are spread out]
Elliot: You are the only one I've never faked it with.
Keith: It's true.
Dr. Cox: Hell, I love you, Newbie. I should have done this a long time ago. [hugs J.D.]
J.D.: I knew you loved me. I just had to fake my own death to prove it. He loves me everyone. Can I get an Amen?
All: Amen!
J.D.: Whoo, got him good! [Dr. Cox breaks J.D.'s neck] Worth it.
[reality:]
J.D.: And then we'd have my real funeral.
Dr. Kelso: Are you an idiot?
J.D.: No, sir, I'm a dreamer.
‘My Malpractice Decision’ Quotes
Quote from Doug
Elliot: Doug, I'm sorry, but I don't think you're cut out for being a doctor.
Pathologist: I cannot figure out how this guy died.
Doug: I'm betting he took a paracentesis needle to the aorta.
Pathologist: Have you seen this before?
Doug: Seen it? Upstairs they call that a "Doug"!
Elliot: You got any others you can't figure out?
[montage:]
Doug: Doctor prescribed overdosage of Fentanyl.
Doug: Dissected left main during a cardiac catheterization.
Doug: We look under Mr. Pancreas and there it is. [pulls out a bloody glove]
Pathologist: He's the best I've ever seen. Mind if we steal him from you?
Elliot: I can live with it.
Doug: Well, my work here is done. [removes gloves and throws them in the corpse's cavity]
Elliot: I'll get those.
Quote from Ted
Dr. Kelso: Miss Broderick.
Neena: Bob. Oh, hi, Ted, how's your wife doing? [Ted is silent] Oh, that's right, I forgot you freeze up around me. Okay. Well, I'll see you in court on the eighteenth. [walks away]
J.D.: [v.o.] Ted's possum-like defense mechanism was actually quite brilliant.
Ted: Hello, Neena. We got divorced, actually. I'll see you in court on the eighteenth!
Quote from Elliot
Elliot: Carla, when I became chief resident, I wrote a pledge to myself. And do you know what it said? It said "Dance like nobody is watching". Which I do, constantly, in my living room, with the shades closed just in case somebody is watching. But it also said not to hide problems away. So, no, I'm not gonna go and hide Doug down in the morgue.