Kylie: So, uh, what's wrong with this guy?
J.D.: Well, let's see. Fatigue, fever, malaise. Have you been to Hong Kong, sir?
Man: Yeah.
J.D.: [v.o.] And then I said something stupid.
J.D.: Could be SARS.
J.D.: [v.o.] I forgot that if any doctor suspects SARS, it's cause for immediate quarantine lockdown.
[fantasy: Indiana Jones theme plays as sirens blare and doors shutter across the I.C.U. Jordan, now wearing a fedora, dives under the shutter as it closes]
Dr. Cox: What have you done, Newbie?
Danni: [holding a flask] Quarantinis, anyone?

J.D.: [v.o.] As for me, I couldn't help but imagine what my own funeral would be like.
[fantasy:]
Choir: [singing] My girl wants to party all the time Party all the time
Minister: Yeah! And as you know, J.D. only had two requests. And that is that the choir sing the song that would remind us of how much he loved to party and that he could get one last hug from each of you.
[J.D.'s casket is stood vertically and his arms are spread out]
Elliot: You are the only one I've never faked it with.
Keith: It's true.
Dr. Cox: Hell, I love you, Newbie. I should have done this a long time ago. [hugs J.D.]
J.D.: I knew you loved me. I just had to fake my own death to prove it. He loves me everyone. Can I get an Amen?
All: Amen!
J.D.: Whoo, got him good! [Dr. Cox breaks J.D.'s neck] Worth it.
[reality:]
J.D.: And then we'd have my real funeral.
Dr. Kelso: Are you an idiot?
J.D.: No, sir, I'm a dreamer.

Dr. Cox: What now, Dr. Barbie?
Elliot: Mrs. Guerrero is a forty-year-old lupus patient who presented with a shortness of breath so I started her on a heparin drip and ordered a VQ scan. I just wanted to run that by you.
Dr. Cox: One. Two. Three.
Elliot: So, shall I continue with heparin-
Dr. Cox: It's really important that you let me get to ten.
Elliot: I just thought-
Dr. Cox: Listen, cookie. You've been here over a month. This is Medicine 101. I don't want everything little run by me. I don't wanna give my two cents' worth. But if you ever do want to know my opinion, rest assured it will always be that you're an incredible pain and every time I see your Kewpie-Doll face it just makes me want to pick you up and shake you until all the hours of my life that you've wasted fall out. Now laugh.
Elliot: What?
Dr. Cox: Laugh so that she doesn't think I'm yelling at you. [all laugh]
Carla: Oh, how fun was that?

Mrs. Tanner: Listen, Dr. Dorian, there is not one thing I regret as I lay here right now. I'm ready. I really am.
J.D.: You have had an amazing life.
Mrs. Tanner: Good. Now we agree. Aren't there other patients you need to be seeing?
J.D.: Me? No, I've been off for two hours.
Mrs. Tanner: So with your precious free time, you've been sitting in a hospital room talking to an old lady. What about your list? How many of these things have you done? For that matter, how many times have you sat on the grass and done nothing, hmm? You need to start taking some time for yourself, young man. Promise me you'll do that.
J.D.: I will.
Mrs. Tanner: Good. Now, get outta here. Go on.

Mrs. Tanner: You're gonna have to shut your mouth at some point. Sweetie, I'm 74 years old. I'm ready to go.
J.D.: Yeah, but with dialysis you could live another 80 or 90 years.
Mrs. Tanner: I think you're being a little irrational.
J.D.: No, I'm not.
Mrs. Tanner: Everybody dies some time.
J.D.: No, they don't.