Kylie: So, uh, what's wrong with this guy?
J.D.: Well, let's see. Fatigue, fever, malaise. Have you been to Hong Kong, sir?
Man: Yeah.
J.D.: [v.o.] And then I said something stupid.
J.D.: Could be SARS.
J.D.: [v.o.] I forgot that if any doctor suspects SARS, it's cause for immediate quarantine lockdown.
[fantasy: Indiana Jones theme plays as sirens blare and doors shutter across the I.C.U. Jordan, now wearing a fedora, dives under the shutter as it closes]
Dr. Cox: What have you done, Newbie?
Danni: [holding a flask] Quarantinis, anyone?

J.D.: [v.o.] As for me, I couldn't help but imagine what my own funeral would be like.
[fantasy:]
Choir: [singing] My girl wants to party all the time Party all the time
Minister: Yeah! And as you know, J.D. only had two requests. And that is that the choir sing the song that would remind us of how much he loved to party and that he could get one last hug from each of you.
[J.D.'s casket is stood vertically and his arms are spread out]
Elliot: You are the only one I've never faked it with.
Keith: It's true.
Dr. Cox: Hell, I love you, Newbie. I should have done this a long time ago. [hugs J.D.]
J.D.: I knew you loved me. I just had to fake my own death to prove it. He loves me everyone. Can I get an Amen?
All: Amen!
J.D.: Whoo, got him good! [Dr. Cox breaks J.D.'s neck] Worth it.
[reality:]
J.D.: And then we'd have my real funeral.
Dr. Kelso: Are you an idiot?
J.D.: No, sir, I'm a dreamer.

Elliot: As a woman, have you ever noticed how self-esteem issues just creep up on you?
Carla: I have sausage fingers.
Jordan: Do you remember when I pulled strings with the board and got Perry that promotion? Yeah. People started talking and Perry ended up totally emasculated. So it worked out great for me.

J.D.: [v.o.] People were starting to talk about Elliot and Keith. But I decided to stay above the fray. Then I changed my mind.
J.D.: Can you believe those two?
Nurse Roberts: No, I can't. All that carrying on in public.
Nurse: It's way too much.
J.D.: It's just too much. Sorry. I switched places so I could go again.

Mrs. Cooke: Bob, just a note about the tapioca. I'm much more partial to flan.
Dr. Kelso: You're a flan fan. It's fun to say, more fun to eat. Anyway, anything that you need, you just ask Dr.
Cox. Perry, Bonnie here is an old friend.
Dr. Cox: Can't say I'm shocked.
Dr. Kelso: Take care of her.
Dr. Cox: You can count on me, Bobbo! Here's the lowdown. In three hours, my shift ends, at which point I will be leaving you and meeting with my ex-wife for a celebratory "best doctor in the city" date which is guaranteed to end in crazy hotel sex. I'm thinking six-inch heels, a leather mask, fishnet stockings. Who knows? She may even get dressed up. The good news for you, though, is that you have a case of hypercalcemia. Any trained monkey can treat it. Let's see who that monkey's gonna be.
Rex: Ooh! Banana.
Dr. Cox: Rex it is. Have a great night. You're in very capable nine-fingered hands.