Johnny: Hey, the sooner we get this place guest ready, the sooner we can start making a profit.
Roland: Yeah. Well, that sounds good to me. Bob's been charging us a fortune to babysit.
Jocelyn: Speaking of which, we should get going. Bob has his first cry therapy session tonight.

Ray: Are you sure this is what you want, David? This looks like someone put a tarp over their living room furniture.
David: Yeah, I'm going for an English estate in the off-season.
Ray: Okay, it's just, uh, do you really want these photos to say my relationship is an old estate in the off-season? Why don't I show you the county fair backdrop, I think a Ferris wheel would look so cute on a mouse pad.
David: I don't think we're gonna do the mouse pads.

Patrick: Are you happy now, David? Is this what you wanted?
David: You look...
Patrick: I look like a cheese puff.
David: Okay, you said it, not me. Um what, uh, what ha, what happened? Did they use the Allez Vous bronzer on you?
Patrick: I don't know, David, they asked me what I wanted, I told them just to give me what you usually get.
David: Well, why would you do that? I'm practically Sicilian, you don't need that much sun.
Patrick: I don't know how it works, David.

Ted: They wanna make me a permanent part of the research team in the Galapagos.
Alexis: Okay, define permanent.
Ted: It's a three year contract.
Alexis: Okay, that's a long time.
Ted: Yeah, I just, I keep waiting for things to get easier for us.
Alexis: So um, what are you gonna tell them?
Ted: I, I don't know, I mean I had three plane rides to think about it and, and I wanted to have a solution by the time I got here, but... seeing you, I don't wanna lose this.
Alexis: Okay, so what do we, what do we do? Do I like move to the Galapagos?
Ted: Or I move back here.
Alexis: And turn down your dream job. Okay, this just got like very heavy. I feel like I'm sweating, I also feel like very cold.
Ted: Yeah. I, I took the weekend because I want us to have a few days to talk about it, but then...
Alexis: Yeah, no, the milk, I know. Um, Ted, I think I'm gonna need a minute. You know that I can't make big decisions under pressure, that's how I ended up with a pixie cut at prom.
Ted: There has to be a way through this.
Alexis: I liked this a whole lot more before we started talking.

Moira: There he is, my ginchy hotelier. How does it feel to be President in the Presidential Suite?
Johnny: [Boston accent] Well, uh, let me say this about that, Moira. Uh, if not now, when, if not us, who.
Moira: Are you alright, John?
Johnny: [normal accent] Oh, it's my JFK, just playing into the theme.
Moira: Best to leave the voice work to me when setting a mood.

Johnny: Yeah, so I must admit, sweetheart, I could get used to this.
Moira: I'm going to run a bath, John. Well, if I close my eyes I can almost hear the orcas calling to be fed or freed.

Roland: Well, if you must know, Jocelyn and I had been renting our extra bedroom to uh, help pay for this place.
Jocelyn: Yeah, and so we thought there's nobody here, it might be nice to have a weekend where a total stranger wasn't making themselves at home in my kitchen.
Johnny: Okay, look Roland, I may have been a bit too much of a stickler earlier.
Roland: Ah no. No, it's fine, Johnny. We'll just, uh... We'll just sleep in the truck with the baby. Or you know what, you could give us the keys to your place. It would be like Wife Swap, except we wouldn't be swapping wives, we'd be swapping mattresses.

Jocelyn: I've never stayed in a Presidential Suite.
Roland: [Boston accent] Enjoy it, honey, this one, uh, reminds me a lot of the uh, suites in, uh, Cuba before Castro took over.
Johnny: That's not... That's not JFK.
Roland: Yes, it's JFK, he's always...
Johnny: [Boston accent] Ask a not what your country can do for you.
Roland: Who said that?
Johnny: The man's from Boston.
Moira: John!
Roland: He didn't say... No he's not, he's from Upstate New York.
Johnny: Coming Moira.
Roland: And FDR said that.

Twyla: So the set menu for tonight is mozzarella sticks, four cheese lasagne, and a blueberry cheesecake for dessert.
Ted: Huh, that's a lot of dairy.
Alexis: All of your cheat day favourites. Also, I may have forgotten about the whole milk situation.

David: Yeah, see, side by side my Mediterranean complexion makes you look a little anemic so the spray will just even it out.
Stevie: Okay, it's not that... bad.
Patrick: Okay, well, the lighting is not good so. I mean...