Johnny: Apparently there's a lice outbreak in your class.
David: Oh, my God!
Alexis: Ew! Ugh, it's probably Kelsey, she's such a horse girl.
Johnny: Honestly, Alexis, if you don't like the way somebody looks...
Alexis: Dad, that's so mean! She doesn't look like a horse, she just talks about them a lot. And smells a bit.

Roland: Moira, I don't think you understand how rare it is for somebody to have something named for them in this town. I mean, yeah, the whole town is named after me, and Bob over here, he's got his bench.
Bob: Bob's Bench.
Roland: And Ronnie's got her rec centre.
Ronnie: It's an outdoor tennis court, and last year the net was stolen.
Roland: Well, she's kind of under selling it there, the rec center is a major hook-up spot for the kids.
Bob: So is the bench.
Roland: Right.

Jocelyn: You know, Moira, having your name on a small, local garden wouldn't take away from any of those other amazing achievements.
Moira: You might think, but this little particular little tribute was bought by my husband, in an attempt to assuage my ego.
Jocelyn: And that would be different from the other times because...?
Moira: Well, I mean, of course philanthropy and recognition always go hand in hand, but...
Jocelyn: Listen. I know this isn't what you wanted, but I think it would make Johnny really happy to make you happy. I mean, take Roland. Every year he buys me coconut macaroons, and I just don't have the heart to tell him I am really allergic to coconut. Yeah, every Valentine's Day I just rash right up. [laughs] Last year my throat almost completely shut.

David: Okay, so if you wouldn't mind sorting these body milks by size, that would be great.
Stevie: Can you drink these?
David: Um, it's liquid moisturizer, for your body, so no, you can't drink them.
Patrick: [enters] Did you ask if you can drink it, too?
David: Okay, it says body milk on the label!
Patrick: You know, I told David that the label was gonna be misleading, but he insisted. What was it you said? "Anyone with a fibre of common sense would know that it's not actually milk."
David: What do we think body milk is, if not milk for your body?!

David: Okay, is this how this is gonna go? Because we have way too much work to do today for me to feel attacked by way of an imbalanced social dynamic.

David: Um, so you know what I think would be super fun, if we hung out at your place tonight.
Stevie: My place?
David: Mmm-hmm.
Stevie: You've never been to my place.
David: Yeah exactly, you were just saying that we haven't been spending as much time together, and that it's been really bothering you.
Stevie: I don't remember saying that last part.

David: Yeah, so I was just thinking like, what about a late night hang, or like, a platonic sleepover?
Stevie: Mmm. What's on your head?
David: Hmm? A hat. That I'm test driving for the store.
Stevie: I mean, what's happening under the hat? The other side.
David: Oh, I see. Yeah, um, that would be a shower cap.
Stevie: So this would have nothing to do with the lice outbreak at the motel? Your dad just called me.
David: Um, so I might be taking preventative measures. I can't afford to have the store infested with lice.
Stevie: I don't think it works that way, but just so we're clear, you were wanting to have a platonic sleepover at my place would have nothing to do with the fact that your sister has lice?
David: Yes, that is almost entirely correct.

Moira: Good morning!
Bob: Who's gonna be the one to tell her?
Roland: I'll handle this.
Moira: Have I been let go? Should I leave?
Roland: No.
Moira: I won't make a scene.
Ronnie: You still have three and a half more years.
Moira: But who's counting?

Moira: I never thought I'd see the day, John. You've been domesticated beyond recognition.

Moira: And when were you planning on telling me this, John?!
Johnny: Well, Moira, it's not like you have overreacted to bad news in the past. I just thought it might sit better with you once you'd heard about the garden.
Moira: No, I just told you about the garden.
Johnny: Uh-huh.
Moira: John, did you ask Roland and Bob to name a garden after me?
Johnny: No, no! They wanted to name the garden after you, Moira. After I offered to pay for the plaque, and a good chunk of the upkeep.