Alexis: You're really good at this. It reminds me of when I was in Bangkok. There was this amazing little Resto-Lounge that specialized in Tahitian food, and scalp massages.
Ted: I'm not sure what's more disgusting, what I'm doing right now, or the concept for that restaurant.
Alexis: It was a Resto-Lounge.

Johnny: Okay, enough, enough. This is still a very big honour for your mother. Is it not?
Alexis: Mmm-hmm.
David: Yes.
Alexis: So when we die, are we all gonna be buried here?

Johnny: You know, you keep scratching.
David: Ew!
Alexis: No, I'm just allergic to the down pillow.
David: No, no, you probably have lice. You're scratching because you have lice.
Johnny: Wait a minute, we were in all the rooms changing the sheets.
David: Okay, how-can lice jump? Because if I was sleeping in my bed, could a lice jump from her bed to my bed?
Alexis: Can everyone stop saying lice please?!

Johnny: Now I've gotta go back and change all the sheets again.
David: Okay, how do I know that she didn't give me her lice?
Johnny: David, you don't have lice.
Alexis: Nobody here has lice!
David: No, no, you do! You- You have the lice!

Johnny: Alexis, you've gotta go to the store and get something to deal with that now. Okay, I've gotta go back and change all the sheets.
Alexis: Oh! This is the last time I take a pity selfie with Kelsey.

Johnny: Uh, just here for the complimentary sheet change.
Male Guest: But the bed's already made up.
Johnny: Yes, yes, well some of our guests prefer morning and evening sheets. Uh, these are a little heavier, for sleeping, right? So if you don't mind, I'll just get to it.
Female Guest: I think we're good, I mean, we haven't even touched the sheets.
Johnny: Oh, good, good, good!
Female Guest: Why is that good?
Johnny: Well, it just means you're having a busy day, you know, up and at 'em.
Female Guest: Right.
Johnny: And your hair's in a ponytail, that's fantastic. Yeah. And by that I mean it's very hot outside, and gives the neck a chance to breathe, um, yeah.

Stevie: Yes, we haven't seen each other in weeks, so I was just saying it's nice to see you.
David: I'm going to ignore that passive aggression, and instead, lean in to the fact that we're both working professionals now, and mama Oprah would be very proud of us.
Stevie: Okay, that's one way to look at it.

Roland: Moira, I know that town beautification is kind of your thing, so I know you'll wanna know that, um, we're gonna build a flower garden.
Bob: And it gets better.
Moira: I imagine it must.
Roland: We're gonna name it after you. Oh, and look at that right there, utter shock.
Moira: Now, I'm flattered beyond all reason, but I can't help but think the money could be better spent elsewhere, making much needed improvements to the roads, the streetlamps, the parks, the sidewalks, the traffic light...

Moira: As much as I would love to contribute to the population growth of this town by way of teen pregnancies, I must decline.
Roland: Honey, it's all about legacy! Your name will forever be associated with this town's name!
Ronnie: I don't think you're helping.

Alexis: But the other reason is that I bumped into one of our clients, and her dog has lice, and she's worried that she now has lice.
Ted: Who was it?
Alexis: Umm... Meredith? Meredith. She's new-ish, you might not remember her, just kind of like, mid-length, wavy hair.
Ted: Does she want me to help her?
Alexis: No. No, she is too embarrassed. And I was like Mere-dith, Meredith, there's no reason to be embarrassed, you're still exceptionally attractive, it's just lice, just get the shampoo, and deal with it!