Ben: Walter Gunderson served Pawnee for 39 years. And as per his final wish, his body will lie in state in the city council chambers for a day, which is just a real cool thing for a public space. Also, he sent us a brief video message to be played for this event.
Walter Gunderson: [on video] Hello, Pawnee. My time in office has come to an end. A lot has been done. But I wasn't really doing very much. I wasn't paying attention most of the time. Fortunately, the citizens of Pawnee didn't pay attention either. So if there's credit to take, I will humbly take it. And if there is blame... it's your fault. Thank you. Good-bye forever.
Ben: Uh, okay. Well, that was really something.

Tom: Why can't everyone share our commitment to the basic concept of outrageous pageantry?
Leslie Knope: I don't know, Tom. I really don't.
Ian: Oh, no, what do you want, Leslie?
Leslie Knope: Hey, Ian. I need a gigantic banner that says, "Congratulations, Lucy and Tom," and I need it by tomorrow.
Ian: No way. Impossible.
Leslie Knope: Over the past 15 years, I have spent nearly $100,000 at your banner store. I have ordered banners for every personal and professional event that I've ever organized. My credit card company called me about it. Not to question the charges but to sincerely ask me if I was mentally stable.
Tom: See that Rolex Submariner on your wrist, bro? That's 'cause of Leslie. You'll have the banner done.

Donna: Buck up, Swanson. It's like you said, death is natural. And Sal lived a good, long life.
Ron Swanson: But so much is changing, and I've never been a fan of change. Salvatore was a constant in my life.
Ron Dunne: In my experience, the only constant is change.
Ron Swanson: Oh, [bleep.
Ron Dunne: Nice to see you, Ron. I couldn't help but overhear. Sure am sorry about your loss. Every time we lose a compadre, our collective lantern gets a little bit dimmer.

Andy: Hey, you look awful familiar. Have we met before?
Ron Dunne: Oh, I'm sure our souls have collided in one lifetime or another.
Andy: No, that's not it. Are you in my Frisbee golf league?
Ron Dunne: Oh, yeah. I play for the Super Spinners.
Andy: Oh, I'm on the Frisbee Champs.
Ron Dunne: Oh, cool.
Andy: I named us.

Ron Swanson: Andrew, stop speaking to this man. He is the worst human being on Earth.
Ron Dunne: Oh, come on. Death makes brothers of us all. I've always found that when my soul aches with loss, it's best to turn to Eastern wisdom.
Ron Swanson: This is from the Isle of Islay in Scotland. This is as Eastern as my wisdom gets.

Donna: Swanson, this handsome spiritual cowboy may actually be right about turning to the East. I have an idea. Trust me?
Andy: Who cuts your hair?
Ron Dunne: Nobody. Whenever my hair feels it has completed its journey, it simply sheds itself off.
Ron Swanson: I hate you so much.
Ron Dunne: And I love you, my brother.

Lucy: What is all this?
Tom: Snakehole Lounge is where we first met. On our first date, I gave you a single daisy, like this. And after that, we ate late-night pancakes at JJ's. And while we were there, I pulled out a deck of cards, and I tried to show you a magic trick I learned off a David Blaine special. Unsurprisingly, I failed, and you made fun of me, ruthlessly. I haven't done this trick in a while, but I think I'm ready to try it again. Pick a card. No, no, no, no. Go a little bit over to the left. There you go.
[Lucy picks a two of hearts which reads "Will you marry me?"]
Lucy: Yes!
Tom: Really?
Lucy: Yes!
Tom: Yay.

Typhoon: Donna, this is crazy. Typhoon is an artist, and the human head--
Donna: Is his canvas.
Typhoon: Just listen, you're gonna cut the man's hair. You're gonna charge him $8. It'll take you four minutes. So just shut up and make the man look like this.
Typhoon: Fine. Ugh.

Ian: Just under the wire.
Leslie Knope: Oh, Ian, thank you so much. It's great. Now throw it out. I need a new one, and I need it in 20 minutes.
Ian: Ugh.
Leslie Knope: Look, if you didn't want to be on call 24-7 for emergencies, then you should not have gone into the high-stakes world of banner making!

Leslie Knope: Oh, my God, that was so sweet.
Jean-Ralphio: It really was. So what's your story again? I mean, like, how married are you? You down to clown? You in that rude mood?
Leslie Knope: Why are you like this?
Jean-Ralphio: Pills, baby! [laughs]