Ben: You're wearing snow pants.
Ann: I got home last night, and I thought I might go sledding.

Ann: You're nice. I can see why she likes you.
Ben: When did she say... likes me?
Ann: Oh, God. This is so high school. Just rent a limo, ask her to the prom. I'm sure she'll say yes.

Ron Swanson: So let me get this straight. Tom tries to get off the Government teat, and we punish him. That doesn't make any sense to me.
Chris: I'm sorry. Rules are rules. I wish there was something we could do. Ben, is there something we can do? Damn it. Ben's not here.

Leslie Knope: You came.
Ann: Yeah, I had some encouragement.
Ben: Your sweater's on inside out.
Ann: And backwards. It's been a tough morning. Lots of regret and shame. That should be the official slogan for Snakejuice.

Leslie Knope: [clears throat] Well, uh, this committee would like to ask if you are the kind of candidate who could forgive someone after they've behaved like a complete jackass?
Ann: This candidate could, especially because this candidate also behaved like a total jackass.
Leslie Knope: Please, don't worry about it. The committee totally understands.
Ann: Also, I can talk about my qualifications for this position. But first, I am gonna go throw up in a wastebasket.
Leslie Knope: Would you mind if I joined you?
Ann: Not at all.
Leslie Knope: Shall we?

Tom: How about this, Ron? Try Snakejuice. If you like it, you got to talk it up all night. If you don't, I'll shave Jean-Ralphio's head.
Ron Swanson: Yeah, I'd like to see that. Hit me. [drinks]
Jean-Ralphio: A lot riding on this.
Ron Swanson: Damn, if that isn't delicious.
Jean-Ralphio: "R" to the "o" to the n-n-n I say Swanson's got swagger the size of a Big Ben clock
Tom: Dude, you got to end it on the rhyme.
Jean-Ralphio: I know what I have to do.
Tom: You had it at "Ben."

Jean-Ralphio: "K" to the "N" to the O-P-E She's the dopest little shorty in all Pawnee, Indiana
Tom: Why didn't you just stop at "Pawnee"?

The Douche: Uh-oh. Is there enough room for some mayonnaise in this lady sandwich?
Ann: Oh. Leslie, this is my friend Howard tuttleman.
The Douche: Oh, please. Call me "The Douche". You probably know me from my morning radio show on 93.7... Crazy Ira and "The Douche".
Leslie Knope: Yeah, I-I have met you before. I actually was on your show once...
The Douche: Wait! Were you on the show where we had that stripper do math? Classic, right?

Leslie Knope: So how did you two meet?
Ann: We met at the supermarket.
The Douche: I used my classic pickup line. If you're looking for douches, they're in aisle me.
Leslie Knope: Awesome.
Ann: Yeah. Oh, hey, by the way, I don't think I can get that book back from, um, what's-his-name.
Leslie Knope: Oh, that's okay. I mean, I should've known better than to loan something to one of your boyfriends. They come and go so fast.
Ann: Uh, what are you saying exactly?
Leslie Knope: Well, I mean, let's be honest. How long is it gonna last with this guy?
The Douche: Sitting right here.
Ann: I don't know. He's dumb, but he's fun.
The Douche: Thank you.
Ann: I mean, that's the whole point of dating around is you get to try on a bunch of different hats.
Leslie Knope: Well, this hat is an idiot.
The Douche: Ha ha. Classic.

Jean-Ralphio: T-pain, this guy bothering you?
Tom: This is my boss.
Jean-Ralphio: Okay, yeah. You want me to write a rap about your name?
Chris: Yes.
Jean-Ralphio: "B" to the "o" to the double "s" Do what he say, and you'll be success...ful