Ron Swanson: [aside to camera] I won't publicly endorse a product unless I use it exclusively and I really believe in it. My only official recommendations are U.S. Army-issued mustache trimmers, Morton's Salt, and the C.R. Laurence Fein two-inch, axe-style scraper oscillating knife blade.

Leslie Knope: [aside to camera] Ann came in the next day and had a second interview with Chris. She nailed it, of course. But she doesn't want to totally leave her job. So they struck up a deal. She works at City Hall part-time, and two days a week, she still gets to be the greatest nurse in the world. Win-win. We need to remember what's important in life... friends, waffles, and work. Or waffles, friends, work... it doesn't matter. But work is third.

Jean-Ralphio: Listen, you got to jump on the Tommytown Express. This guy has some of the best investment ideas I've ever heard in my life.
[aside to camera:]
Tom: Make a baby tuxedo clothing line. A department store with a guest list. White fur ear muffs for men. A new brand of bottled water called H2-HO. Contact lenses that display text messages. Invent a phone that smells good. Own a night club called eclipse that's only open for one hour two times a year. Cover charge... $5,000. I can keep going.