Ben: Look, she was just flirting a little. I'm sure she's not really interested in me.
Leslie Knope: Oh, my God. I can't even have this conversation. The whole thing is screwed up now. There's so many ways to destroy a bubble, but my mom flirting with you is number one on the list. And I'm sorry, I have to say this... Were you asking for it in any way?
Ben: No!
Leslie Knope: How were you dressed?
Ben: Oh, my God. I was wearing this.
Leslie Knope: Here's what we do. You issue a government-wide memo about sexual harassment, and then you go to Mexico. Just for a couple of weeks.

Andy: Oh, man, you're really screwing this up. I'm gone for one day and this entire shoe shine stand falls apart. Everything I built. Jump up here. I'll show you how it's done. See, your problem is you're thinking too much.
Reggie: Wow. You're really good at this.
Andy: Yes. I am. When I come back here in a few weeks, I don't want all my regular customers to not be here waiting for me because somebody screwed it up. Huh?
Reggie: Thanks.
Andy: No problem. [ays Reggie] See you later, kid.
Reggie: Wow.
Andy: [to camera] What a moron.

Leslie Knope: Just to let you know, I gave the senior center project to Donna.
Ben: Sounds good. The meeting's at 2:00?
Leslie Knope: Yes. Conference room "C".
Ben: Okay. I think at some point, you and I should probably make out with each other.
Leslie Knope: Yeah, good call.

Chris: I feel that some structural changes could really unlock this department's potential. Jerry.
Jerry: Hmm?
Chris: I believe you are capable of much more.
Jerry: I'm not.
Chris: Nonsense. Look in the mirror.
Jerry: What?

Chris: You won't be alone. Andy. Starting now, you are nobody's shoeshine boy. Starting now, you are an administrative assistant. For three weeks. Then back to shoes.
Andy: Chris! [gasps] I wasn't super paying attention to what you just said that we'll be doing, but I will give 110%! Well, as soon as you repeat yourself in a more interesting way.

Ben: Hello. I'm Mr. Ben Wyatt.
Marlene Knope: Looks like you got some shirt on your coffee.
Ben: Yeah. You know what happened? I spilled it, but you know how it goes.
Marlene Knope: Fun anecdote. The County School District needs four new school buses. I'm being stonewalled by the board, and I'm hoping your office can help us out.
Ben: Okay.
Marlene Knope: Really? That's it?
Ben: Yeah. Actually, no. It... It's probably not possible.
Marlene Knope: Then I'm confused, Ben, because you just told me it was. Five seconds ago.
Ben: [sighs]

Leslie Knope: Hey! Somebody made somebody a mix! And I definitely heard your feedback from last time, so I only put five Sarah McLachlan songs on this one.
Ben: Cool. Should we talk about how you claimed your mom was a Filipino woman you'd never met?
Leslie Knope: Should we? [sighs] I was just trying to delay the inevitable. If this turns into something real, then we are gonna have to deal with Chris' rule, and parents, and annoying flossing habits, and a lot of un-fun stuff. But not yet. I just want to enjoy the bubble for a little while. I'm sorry.

Leslie Knope: Everything's good?
Ben: No, it's not. I was completely flustered. I came off like an idiot. I mean, at one point, for no reason, I just took off my shoes and held them in my hand.
Leslie Knope: I'm gonna go ask her how it went, and I bet she loved you.
Ben: [sighs]
[later:]
Marlene Knope: I loved him! He's a total pushover. Very odd guy, though. He's like a goofy, spineless jellyfish.
[laughs] Why do you ask, sweetheart?
Leslie Knope: No reason.

Leslie Knope: Don't worry about it. It's totally fine.
Ben: No, it's not fine. What if she starts going around telling people I'm a pushover?
Leslie Knope: No one's gonna believe that. When I first met you, I thought you were a fascist hardass.
Ben: What?
Leslie Knope: A cute fascist hardass, but still, you give off a very...

Kim: [enters] Education Department now officially requesting ten school buses.
Leslie Knope: I thought they only wanted four.
Ben: Well, now that I'm a pushover, why not ask for 10, or 20, or 100 new school buses and a fleet of school yachts? How about that?
Leslie Knope: Hmm.
Ben: Here's what we're gonna do. You are gonna tell me everything there is to know about your mom, and I'm gonna have another meeting with her, and we're gonna have it out.
Leslie Knope: Or... we could go to Belize and go scuba diving. And we could look at the whale sharks. You're certified, right? Let's get you certified.