Andy: Well, hello, Burly, Chang.
Burly: Hey, man, what's up?
Andy: I was just over at the bar, enjoying a wonderful night with my co-workers who all talked about how awesome I was, and I look up, and what do I see? A band. But you're missing something like, uh, I don't know, your lead singer/songwriter/ T-shirt designer/nacho chef. What's up?
Burly: First of all, your nachos are terrible. No one's had the guts to tell you. Why don't you melt the cheese?
Andy: [scoffs]

Councilman Jamm: Get me a Budweiser Black Crown. You guys got Black Crown here? If not, you should.
Chris: Ron, are you gonna be joining us?
Ron Swanson: I won't be playing. I'm simply here to remind Councilman Jamm that this ridiculous play palace costs the taxpayers thousands of dollars a year.
Leslie Knope: And what a bargain. I mean, kids love it, adults love it, Jamm loves it. Everybody loves it. It's like the Toy Story 3 of places.

Andy: I'm done with that band. I mean, I'm an adult now, you know? I work two part-time jobs. Hello. I don't need the stress of playing guitar with my friends every few weeks.
April: Yeah, plus look how bad they are without you. Burly's terrible.
Andy: He actually has a really beautiful voice for a backup singer.
April: Right, that's what I meant.
[aside to camera:]
April: I love Andy, but to be perfectly honest, Mouse Rat's music is not my thing. I really only listen to, like, German Death Reggae and Halloween sound effects records from the 1950s. And Bette Midler. Obviously.

Andy: Well, hello, fellow employees. Co-workers, I bid you adieu.
Donna: Whoa, fancy Andy.
Andy: Oh, me? No. This is just how I dress now. Funny goofball music Andy... [imitates fart] is gone. You're left with the professional remains. I'm an adult now. I'm gonna focus on business, which is good. Give me more time to play video games.

Tom: Anyway, here's your chenille blanket. You earned it. Thanks for your help.
Ann: Tom, thank you.
Tom: Eh, be nice to Chenille O'Neal.
Ann: I will.
Tom: It needs to be brushed regularly. Never use a lint roller. I'm dead serious.
Ann: Okay.
Tom: And keep it out of direct sunlight. If I see this at one picnic, I swear--
Ann: Okay, you know what, I don't even want it anymore.
Tom: Yes! Thank you!

Leslie Knope: I have been in the city council for almost a year, and I'm proud of what I've done. But every once in a while, I end up in a situation that makes my stomach queasy.
Ron Swanson: You're in politics. What did you expect?
Leslie Knope: Frankly, I hoped it would be like dealing with you. People with strong opinions hashing it out respectfully. And then you either realize that I'm right or you get hungry and go home and I win.
Ron Swanson: There are a lot of Jeremy Jamms along the path you're walking. I suppose you just need to figure out whether it's a path you truly wanna walk.
Leslie Knope: Yeah. I'm taking that gorilla with me and putting it back in the putt-putt when it reopens.
Ron Swanson: Sorry, no. That gorilla was a gift from a very determined co-worker whom I respect. And there's a certain code of honor that accompanies gift-giving.
Leslie Knope: God, you're the worst.

Leslie Knope: Councilmen, I have something to discuss with you, but before I do, can I just point out how handsome the both of you look today?
Councilman Jamm: Yeah, I know.
Councilman Milton: I feel very ill.
Leslie Knope: Okay, well, tomorrow we are voting on funding for the mini-golf course, and personally, I think it is great for families, it's a great job creator, and it's extremely cute. I'm wondering which way you two are leaning.
Councilman Milton: Well, the last time I was there, I saw kids of all races getting along and playing. It was terrible. So I'm voting to get rid of it.
Leslie Knope: At least you have a good reason.

Leslie Knope: Well, Howser is with me. Milton is with Dexhart. Jeremy, you're the swing vote. What do you think?
Councilman Jamm: Hmm. Well, on the one hand, I love cutting government programs. On the other hand, mini-golf rules. And on the third hand, I hate both you and Ron Swanson. So this one could go either way. I'm kind of a badass wild card.
Leslie Knope: Hey, what are you doing tonight?
Councilman Jamm: More like who am I doing? [chuckles] No one. I'm free. What's up?

Andy: Aw, the band is moving me tonight. It's really good.
Ben: Really? They sound kinda crappy to me.
April: Kinda sounds like one of your songs, babe.
Andy: Well, you know what, Mouse Rat has a lot of influence on some of the local high school bands, mostly 'cause Chang buys 'em beer and whatnot.
April: Wait, Andy, this is a Mouse Rat song.
Andy: That's my band. I didn't recognize us without me because I'm the only one that matters.
Burly: Thank you, everyone. We are Rat Mouse.
Andy: Rat Mouse? Rat bastards. They're playing without me? That's a song I wrote!

Mona-Lisa: Hey, baby, can I borrow your car for a month?
Tom: I already lent you my car. Do you not know where my car is?
Mona-Lisa: Ugh, I'm so sick of the third degree. It's like dating a cop. I'm gassy. Let's make out.
Tom: What?
Mona-Lisa: Yeah. Move aside!
[aside to camera:]
Tom: Dating Mona-Lisa is awesome. Except that I live in constant fear for my life. So I guess it's time to do the mature thing and have someone else dump her for me.