Tom: My life is over. I'm officially old and uncool. Might as well start wearing a plaid shirt and a tie and khakis and whatever shoes you're wearing.
Ben: Look, the fact that you don't know what high schoolers are into doesn't make you uncool. It makes you a normal human adult. You haven't had time to keep up 'cause the last few years, you started two different businesses.
Tom: I guess that's true. Richard Branson and Mark Cuban are too busy making deals to keep up with what the kids are into. How else do you explain their terrible haircuts?
Ben: And, hey, you may be old, but you'll never be as old as me.
Tom: Yeah. You're old as [bleep]. Thanks, Ben.
Ben: Glad I could help.

Leslie Knope: The point is, will you go to the prom with me?
Ben: Well, I thought you'd never ask, because we're nearing 40. Course I will.
Leslie Knope: Yay! Prom!

Leslie Knope: Okay, we are making progress, prom committee. Now, our budget is basically zero, so we're gonna need to cover all the jobs that we would normally hire people for. Tom, you're in charge of music.
Ben: Oh, man. Well, all right.
Leslie Knope: Aw, did you want to DJ, little puppy? I didn't know that little puppies could operate an iPod with their little puppy paws.
Donna: Eew and boo. This kind of thing is getting out of hand with you two. Y'all are on official warning.

Ben: I did DJ a little back in the day. I had a show called "Zoot Suit Wyatt" on Carleton College radio. Tuesdays from 3:00 to 5:00 A.M., I was the king of swing.

Tom: I thought we as a culture agreed to forget the year that everyone was into swing.
Leslie Knope: Okay, Ben, you can co-DJ with Tom.
Ben: [whispers] Yes.
Tom: What! No! If you eclipse my flavor in any way, we'll have a problem.

Ben: I feel like, to me, set list flow is very important. I mean, we're basically vibe curators.
Tom: Ugh. Oh, no.
Ben: I hope that high school auditorium's big enough, 'cause I'm bringing 10,000 Maniacs.

Tom: Sometimes it's really hard to be friends with you. Thank God we don't have to be seen together.
Ben: Yes, we do. We're co-DJs.
Tom: Not anymore. You're working with... [in electronic voice] DJ Robo Drop. Ba-da-da, mm, mm, mm, mm-mm

Andy: April Ludgate, I'm gonna sing to you a song that I first wrote 15 years ago for my prom date, Sarah Weiss. [plays guitar and sings] You're as hot as the sun But you're as cold as ice Let me take you to paradise Come on, roll the dice It will be twice as nice Sarah Wei--April Ludgate Will you go to prom with me? Boom!

April: Fine. I'll go with you, because Leslie's making us, and we live together, and we only have one car right now because you laked mine.
Jerry: What does "laked" mean?
Andy: I tried to jump it over a lake. Why don't you stay out of our conversations, Larry!

Ron Swanson: Allison Gliffert.
Allison: Hi, Mr. Swanson.
Leslie Knope: You two know each other? Is there some secret society for the greatest humans on earth? Do you meet Tom Hanks and Elena Kagan in the Statue of Liberty's crown? God, this fake club I'm inventing is amazing.