Principal Russell: It has come to my attention that both of you have been harassing Allison about her summer employment decisions.
Leslie Knope: I wouldn't say "harassing" so much as persistently tormenting.
Principal Russell: I am disappointed in you, Leslie.
Leslie Knope: No! Don't be disappointed in me. I've never had a principal or a teacher be disappointed in me. I'm not sure that I'm equipped to handle it.

Ben: Dude, if you're not gonna play anything, I'm stepping in.
Tom: Go ahead. Play whatever you want. Can't be any worse than this.
["Pop Song 89" by R.E.M. plays]
Doug: Hey, I love this song!
Tom: You actually like this?
Doug: Yeah, dude, it's classic rock.
Ben: Well, there's more where that came from, snoopies! Sorry. Tried to use slang. That just came out.
Doug: I only listen to CDs. It's the way music like this was meant to be heard.
Tom: But it's not even auto-tuned.

Andy: Babe, huge news. I just got us invited to Damian Keating's barn party. He's captain of the soccer team, and he has a fake I.D., so I think he can get us all free beer. What's wrong? There's cupcakes and music. Why aren't you having fun?
April: Because this prom reminds me that... you had, like, a million friends in high school and everyone thought you were awesome, and I spent four years making fun of everyone and hiding mops so the janitor would think he was going insane. If we went to high school together, we would have never started dating, which means that... we would have never gotten married, and I don't like thinking about that.

Andy: Hi, Pawnee High. As your prom king, I'm your ruler. [laughter] Silence! My first decree of power is to declare that the prom queen shall be my wife, April Ludgate, who is the best thing that's ever happened to me who came to prom even though she hates it. Give me this. Always next year.
Lucy: No, there isn't. I'm a senior.
Principal Russell: This is your wife? How old are you?
April: He's 33, and I'm 47/immortal.
Principal Russell: Get out.
Andy: High school forever!

Andy: Yeah, you're having fun now.
April: I rigged an election and got kicked out of prom. I can get on board with that.

Leslie Knope: Allison, we wanted to apologize for acting so bananas. You just have so much promise, we got excited.
Ron Swanson: You're a good kid. And whatever you choose, you'll be great at it.
Allison: I have to say I admire you both. You were right, Leslie. Watching all those happy faces, it felt amazing. But it was really nice to build something and get paid for it.
Leslie Knope: Ugh, Ron, she is so thoughtful and grounded. Get her away from me, or I'm gonna kidnap her and try to mentor her to death.
Allison: Oh, let me introduce you to my boyfriend.
Leslie Knope: Greg Pikitis.
Greg Pikitis: What up, Knope?
Leslie Knope: Hello, Gregory.
Allison: You guys know each other?
Leslie Knope: You might say that.
Greg Pikitis: Come on, baby. Let's get out of here.
Ron Swanson: That's that horrible kid who used to prank us all the time, right?
Leslie Knope: Offer is off the table. She's a terrible person with terrible judgment.
[As Leslie walks away, the table cloth is dragged along with her dress, knocking the snack bowls to the floor. Greg Pikitis holds up a stapler.]
Leslie Knope: Pikitis!