April: Prom is nothing but a huge party full of smiling, dancing people enjoying themselves. It's literally my worst nightmare. And I hate punch.

Tom: This is all the stuff we have to work with? Where's everything I requested? Where's my smoke machine? Where's my girls dressed in Teddy Bear costumes? Where's my Yeezus Mountain?

Leslie Knope: So I want to show you some very cool before and after pictures of Cherryhurst Park, one of our greatest accomplishments.
Allison: Why are you showing me all this?
Leslie Knope: Because I think you have a real knack for public service. We here at the parks department have something called "The April Ludgate Summer Solstice Druid Festival and Buffalo Wings Eating Contest." I don't know why I let her name it. Basically, it's a summer internship program.

Leslie Knope: I can't stop thinking about that job in Chicago, and I think this prom will be a good distraction. In my senior year when I couldn't decide between Indiana and Amherst, I focused all my energy on planning my prom, and it was the best prom ever. Plus, I made out with Harvey from the A.V. Club.
Ben: Hmm, I think I'm jealous of Harvey.
Leslie Knope: You shouldn't be. A few weeks later, he almost died from a VCR electrocution. Legend has it that he can still turn on a microwave just by blinking at it.

Andy: Oh, I hope that this prom is exactly like my senior prom. Theme, "My Heart Will Go On." Photo booth with Monica Lewinsky look-alike. After-party: Megan Rickerson's house. Her parents used to let us drink as much as we wanted. That's- That's where we should have this after-party. Or, no, we can't, because they moved to prison.

Ron Swanson: You know what? Tim Hautner, who owns the sawmill out on Lowell Drive, is a personal friend. He's always looking for bright young employees to give money to in exchange for honest work.
Allison: That would be awesome. I definitely need money for school.
Leslie Knope: Oh, really? Is it worth a few bucks to get a million splinters in your fingers and then cut off your fingers accidentally, 'cause that will happen.

Ben: Yeah, tell me about it. I specifically requested elliptical cartridges for the turntables. How am I supposed to keep my Husker Du albums in near-mint condish?
Tom: Hey, I have an idea. Why don't you throw them in the garbage?
[aside to camera:]
Ben: My prom was right after I got impeached, so I couldn't leave the house without being egged. But my parents threw me a prom in our living room. I think I'm still messed up from it.

Andy: Hey, maybe we wouldn't have gotten together if we were in high school. But that's because kids in high school are idiots. The only thing that matters is that we found each other right now, and it's the best. You know what? Let's bail. We got that limo for three more hours. I think the extra length could help us get us over that lake.

Ron Swanson: I have never told you this, but I actually have a ten-point scale for how insane you are being. I observe your behavior, and if it's a five or below, I say nothing.
Leslie Knope: Smart. Saves a lot of time.
Ron Swanson: If it reaches a six, like for example the incident with the girls' soccer uniforms back in '05...
Leslie Knope: They wrote all the team names in pink. Nobody told them to do that.
Ron Swanson: I try to steer you back to safety. A seven is when I lock you in your office until you cool down. This Allison Gliffert thing may have hit an eight. I have the police on standby. It's your move.

Leslie Knope: I'm thinking of leaving Pawnee, moving to Chicago. I just need to make sure that the future is secure around here when I leave. You know? Allison would become April, and then April would become me. I mean, let's face it, Ron. I love you, but you're hopeless without me.
Ron Swanson: Blueprints for the future are a fool's errand. They're like blueprints for a house. Nice to have, but any foreman with half a brain doesn't need to look at them. One day, this year or maybe the next, you're gonna be somewhere else. So enjoy yourself now.
Leslie Knope: Damn it. I just wish once you would say something stupid so I could ignore it.