Leslie Knope: Okay, listen. Here's the plan. Our position is, we have no position. So let's just say, "Thank you for the party, but we regretfully decline your offer to honor me."
April: Oh, my God, I can't believe you came.
Leslie Knope: Hi, April.
April: Derek! It's Leslie Knope.
Derek: Leslie Knope, you're my hero!
Leslie Knope: Oh! That's nice.
Ben: Leslie, you are looking hot. [hugs Leslie]
Leslie Knope: Really? Thank you, Ben. I'm really enjoying this hug. That's so nice, but I need to tell you something.
Man: This one is on us.
Leslie Knope: Well, if it's free... [downs shot]
Man: [cheers] Leslie Knope!

Tom: Leslie Knope's in the building, y'all! Let's get wild!
[aside to camera:]
Tom: I've seen so many dudes from City Hall here tonight, it's crazy. But I guess they've seen me here, too. So, that's not great.

Ann: Hey! Hi. I got your text. Is everything okay?
Leslie Knope: Oh, yeah! They're having a party in my honor! Go to the bar. If you're my friend, you can drink for free!
Ann: Oh! Cool! Okay, and maybe next time don't use the words "medical emergency."
Leslie Knope: I'm so glad you're here!
Ann: I'm really sober!
Leslie Knope: Okay! Get a drink!
[aside to camera:]
Leslie Knope: You know why tonight's fun? 'Cause everyone's so gay. And they know how to have fun, and the dancing! Just, it's... Everyone is just who they are. And who they are is just stone-cold gay.

Leslie Knope: [signings] Can't read my Can't read my No, he can't read my poker face Blah, blah, blah, blah My, my, my, poker face My, my poker face My, my, my, poker face My, my poker face
[aside to camera:]
Leslie Knope: I'm having such a nice time tonight. I've met many interesting people. And there's two bisexual guys here, and I got both of their phone numbers.

Leslie Knope: [singing] My, my, my poker face My, my poker face My, my, my poker face My, my poker face My, my, my poker face My, my poker face
Tom: [to camera] The whole morning.

Ron Swanson: Have fun last night?
Leslie Knope: I had three drinks named after me, so that's pretty fun. Plus, Ben and Derek are taking me shopping on Saturday. And we are gonna find out my actual bra size. I guess I'm kind of like queen of the gays.
Ron Swanson: Bully for you. I just got a phone call. They want you to go on Pawnee Today.
Leslie Knope: Wow. That's huge. What's the topic?
Ron Swanson: You. That Marcia Langman from the family thing is calling for your resignation.
Leslie Knope: No!
Ron Swanson: You gotta go on and defend yourself.
Leslie Knope: Why? I haven't even officially taken a stand on gay marriage.
Ron Swanson: That's funny. Somebody just told me you were queen of the gays.
Leslie Knope: That was me.

Leslie Knope: [to camera] Pawnee Today, with Joan Callamezzo. It's kind of like the Meet the Press of our town.
Tom: It's the big time, Leslie.

["Pawnee Today, with Joan Callamezzo" clip:]
Joan Callamezzo: We have a controversial topic today, the gay penguin marriage at the Pawnee Zoo. So, Marcia, what is all the fuss about?
Marcia Langman: The fuss is that Miss Knope claimed that she was not advocating for this gay cause, and then that very night, she was the guest of honor at a pro-gay marriage rally at a bar called The Bulge.
Joan Callamezzo: Miss Knope, how do you respond?
Leslie Knope: I'd first like to say that I wasn't trying to advocate for anyone. I did not know that both of the penguins were males, and I was just trying to perform a cute, fun ceremony to promote our local zoo.

["Pawnee Today, with Joan Callamezzo" clip:]
Joan Callamezzo: I have to say that that stunt that you did with the penguins was clearly over the line. Now, Marcia, what, if anything, can Miss Knope do to make it right?
Marcia Langman: Joan, we don't want to be unreasonable.
Joan Callamezzo: Of course not.
Marcia Langman: We think that she should separate the penguins, annul the marriage, reimburse the taxpayers for the cost of the wedding, of course, and then resign.
Leslie Knope: Oh! Is that it?
Marcia Langman: That would do it.
Leslie Knope: Anything else? You want me to jump off a building? Perform hara-kiri?
Marcia Langman: Move to a different town? No, I kid.
Joan Callamezzo: Full of ideas here today.
Leslie Knope: This is the reason why people don't go into politics. Because, you know, I bust my ass for the people in this city, and I can't win. I have one night of fun with some of the best dancers I've ever danced with, and suddenly everybody's freaking out?

["Pawnee Today, with Joan Callamezzo" clip:]
Leslie Knope: How does this work?
Joan Callamezzo: Well, there... Push that, and...
Leslie Knope: Great. Okay. Hey! You're on the air!
Joan Callamezzo: You're on the air! Good!
Male Caller #1: Yeah, I think that lady should resign.
Leslie Knope: Okay, good. Thank you. Next caller.
Male Caller #2: You should resign and repay your salary.
Leslie Knope: Okay, two for resign. Thank you. Next caller.
Female Caller: I just want to say that I love the zoo, and the zoo is really fun.
Leslie Knope: Thank you. That's really sweet.
Female Caller: And I think you should resign.