Craig: I added a personal testimony vouching for April's brilliance. And this guy better appreciate it because I do not compare people to Mary J. Blige lightly.
Donna: Uh, no one should. [fist bump]
Craig: Do you want to go to dinner tonight?
Donna: I do not.
Craig: Respect.
Jerry: I'm free.
Craig: I have plans.

Ron Swanson: Please don't hold anything Andy did against April. She is an exceptional human being, who married a well-meaning goofball.
Ben: And I think that presentation we put together says it all.
Ron Swanson: All we're asking is that you meet with her and seriously consider her for the job.
Ben: And if she disappoints you, you can hold me... accountable. [Barney laughs] Right?
Barney: You know what? If her friends are trying this hard, there must be something amazing about her. Tell her I'll meet with her tomorrow--
Ben: Uh, hold on. [answers phone] April? Hey, we were just talking about you. We got some good news. Oh, boy. Okay. [hangs up] She doesn't want the job.
Barney: I see.
Ron Swanson: Well, this is uncomfortable.

Leslie Knope: Okay, the central question that the senators are gonna be asking is, "Why should we invest in the National Parks Service?" April...
April: Well, it is simple, Leslie. In today's fast-paced society, national parks are still the best place for full moon werewolf transformations.
Leslie Knope: I know you're kidding. But I also know that you're prepared and we are going to do great. How psyched are you about this trip? April, are you super psyched?
April: Yeah. Also you have lipstick on your teeth.
Leslie Knope: I do? Mm, okay. Good looking out. We're a great team.

Ben: You're gonna spend the next couple days with her. If you talk to her directly and honestly, she can be surprisingly open-minded.
April: Oh, really? Oh, okay. Hey, Leslie, um, I was thinking about changing the font on the itineraries. What do you think?
Leslie Knope: What? Why? On what grounds? Those- Those fonts are perfect. It's readable and compact, it's all on one page. That's insane. [laughs] Don't mess with that. I mean, I appreciate your initiative, but itineraries are not the right place to mess around.
Ben: Yeah. April, I told you, that was an absurd idea.

April: I don't care what Ben says. I'm not going to tell Leslie I'm leaving my job on this trip. She'll drown me in the Potomac... while she recites facts about the Potomac.

Ron Swanson: So April wants to leave? [laughs] I always knew she would tire of government. Took long enough.

Leslie Knope: Okay. Carry-on bag's packed. Trashy magazines purchased. Boarding passes in hand, and we have 26 minutes for unstructured chat time. What do you want to talk about?
April: I don't know. Nothing.
Leslie Knope: I thought maybe we could talk about your future. Wanna talk about your future?
April: Yeah. I've actually been thinking about that a lot lately.
Leslie Knope: Yeah, I figured. It's hard, at your age, to figure out your path.
April: I know.
Leslie Knope: Yeah. I was gonna surprise you with this in Washington, but, you know, what the heck? It's unstructured chat time. So... ta-da! This is your clear, definitive path through the federal government. It starts here today with this flight and it goes all the way to 2022. Cool, right?
April: Wow. This is intense.
Leslie Knope: I had to make some guesses about your ultimate government objectives and your fashion choices, etcetera, but the point is with this you don't have to worry.

April: What's up with these shirts?
Leslie Knope: Gov Buds for Life? Just a little fun I was having, you know? I didn't really make the shirts.
April: But did you though?
Leslie Knope: Yes, I did! Ha-ha! Ta-da!
[aside to camera:]
April: Oh, and also, I have a middle seat.
Leslie Knope: April! Group one is boarding!

Andy: Break it down. What will she be doing at this job?
Ron Swanson: Well, she'd have about six people reporting to her. And if she started soon, she could project manage our new warehouse in Snerling.
Ben: Get to be my own boss. So far, so good. She also wants passionate interest in subject matter. So, what kind of building is it?
Ron Swanson: It's a large scale storage unit for surplus vinyl sheeting.
Ben: Okay. So that's, uh, boring.

Ron Swanson: Vaughn, Lon.
Both: Ron.